WASHINGTON (IWR News Parody) – President Bush today announced today that he will replace Medicare with an alternative health care subscription program for seniors provided by Wal-Mart.
The basic pay-as-you-go service will provide 24 hour access to a magic eight ball that will answer patient questions about health care or who to vote for.
In addition, premium subscribers will also receive placebos, special discounts on cat and dog food, and professional online consultations with accredited Internet doctors from third world places like Borneo, the Philippines and Pakistan.
Witch Dr. Phil Tonga
Mr. Bush said that his goal gutting Medicaid, Medicare and Social Security programs would provide America’s with a sense ownership not felt since the age indentured servitude, when it really was every man for himself.
When asked about universal health coverage, Mr. Bush said: "if anyone is dumb enough to want that, he or she should move to one of those goddamn communist countries like Canada or Sweden where they actually care about people.
Because in this country, the GOP is only concerned about pleasing the richest people and corporations!"
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Internet Weekly Report First Issued on 12/15/2001, Copyright Internet Weekly Report 2001-2005.