Columbus, OH (IWR News Parody) – Attorney General John Ashcroft announced today that the Justice Department would begin deploying Dalek robots in critical swing states to assure that the election is not disrupted by terrorists or anybody on Bush’s enemies list, e.g., protestors, science teachers, progressives, civil libertarians. The Daleks were created in a secret laboratory in Hoboken, NJ for the DOJ by John Poindexter. The salt shaker shaped robots are programmed to use their deadly ray guns to exterminate, men wearing turbans, people with Mideast accents, labor union members, trial lawyers, Bruce Springsteen, or anyone who says they will vote for John Kerry.
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Internet Weekly Report First Issued on 12/15/2001, Copyright Internet Weekly Report 2001-2004.