WASHINGTON (IWR News Parody) – President Bush today acknowledged that his Iraq war WMD and 9/11 connection ‘facts were bogus’. Bush cited, among other things, the Gulf of Tonkin resolution as a precedent of using such a phony pretext for going to war.
"In Crawford, the folks there call this the Texas two step or the Texas doublewalk.
I learned from my dad a long time ago that if you want something real bad you have to be willing to lie through your teeth to get it.
I mean, Johnson lied about Vietnam, Clinton lied so he could get a knob job, Reagan lied about Iran-Contra, and I lied to avenge my Dad’s good name. It’s par for the course.
It’s the ends that always justify the means. Get it?
Clinton got impeached because the Republicans controlled the House, but I don’t have any such constraints. I could nuke Canada tomorrow morning if I happen to get up on the wrong side of the bed. Hell I can do most anything I want with the Congress, cable news networks, and even the Washington Post in my back pocket!
Let’s face it, we are all just sinners in this world, and if you want to get ahead, you have to learn how to maximize your natural characters flaws, like lying, exploiting and cheating your fellow Americans.
Isn’t that what politics and the corporate news media is all about? Look around. Things really haven’t changed at all since days of yellow journalism. Now have they?
So if you want an independent commission on WMD, go right ahead. We’ll just stonewall it anyway.
Now if you will excuse me, I have a strategy session with Karl Rove on how we can steal the next election, and Karl loves nothing better than smearing war heroes like John Kerry and Max Cleland. Thanks chumps," said Mr. Bush.
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Internet Weekly Report First Issued on 12/15/2001, Copyright Internet Weekly Report 2001-2004.