Tommy Franks
Tommy Franks

Internet Weekly Report, Issue 51, December 09, 2002 – Weblog and News

Humor, Satire, Animation and News

Humor and Satire

Ann Coulter IWR

Ashcroft IWR

Dubya et al IWR

Enron IWR

Enska (Euro Kat) IWR


Big Red Hair

Blue Brick

Bob’s Fridge Door

Borowitz Report

Bushism of the Day


Car Talk

Capitol Steps

Cool LEGO of the Week

Infinite Jest

Landover Baptist (PG)


Mark Fiore

NewZoid Headlines

Political Strikes


Something Awful (PG)

The Onion (PG)

The Rockall Times

The Specious Report

Tom Tomorrow

Too Much Coffee Man

2 Stupid 2B President (PG)

PG = Adults 18+


Animation Express

Animation Exp. Kids


Edgar Beals

Dr. Minz

IWR Interviews

Edgar Beals

Daily News

Ananova (UK)

BBC News (UK)

CS Monitor

Google News

Guardian (UK)

Los Angeles Times

New York Times

Oddly Enough

Times (UK)

Washington Post (WP)

Washington Times




Boing Boing


Google News

Google Zeitgeist

Lycos 50



Scout Report

Yahoo! Picks

Internet Radio

Car Talk

Radio Nova Paris

Soukous Radio

WDET NPR Detroit


Ananova (A)

Blogdex (BX)

Boing Boing (BB)

Cursor (C)

CS Monitor (CSM)

Dan Gillmor (DG)

Env. News (ENS)

Fark (F)

Guardian (G)

InternetNews (I)

LA Times (LAT)

Nature (N)

NewScientist (NS)

Nat. Geographic (NG)

OpinionJournal (OJ)

Tech. Review (TR)

The Onion (O)

The Register (R)

Salon (SA)

Science Daily (SC)

Scout Report (SR)

Sky & Telescope (ST)

SlashDot (SD)

Space (SP)

Washington Post (WP)

Wired (W)

Yahoo (Y)

Former Mouseketeer Tommy Franks Arrives In Qatar for War Games

General Franks

Qatar (IWR Satire) – Former Mouseketeer, General Tommy Franks, arrived in Qatar this week to practice war games and celebrate his 45th anniversary as member of the Mickey Mouse Club. 

"Working for the Bush Administration reminds me a lot of when I was a kid on the Mickey Mouse Club in the 50’s," said Franks to reporters when he arrived at Doha airport in Qatar.  

The Week in Humor and Kitsch
  • Sodomites overrun

    According to the Register, a glitch at Amazon gave some hair raising recommendations to potential buyers of Pat Robertson’s new Book.


  • Fun with FedEx

    David tries to send a FedEx to Santa Claus.


  • Santa’s Pants Drop in Front of President, First Lady

    Singer Roy Clark inadvertently moons Dubya and his moll.


  • Beijing Seeks to Stamp Out Bad English

    The Chinese government is on a quest to stamp out "Chinglish". 

    Some examples: "Collecting Money Toilet" for a public restroom, and "To take notice of safe, the slippery are very crafty" on a sign warning that roads are slippery

    I was doing a little research and this is how the Japanese translated the Chinese characters with "To take notice of safe, the slippery are very crafty".  Englese perhaps?

    A roadside sign stating, "To take notice of safe. The slippery are very crafty," is a particular favorite object of mirth among expatriates, it said. The accompanying Chinese on the sign calls for drivers to take care while negotiating a slippery slope

    This site has some interesting examples of Chinglish instructions.  My favorite was the very Happy "Posh Sailboat".  Also, here are more some examples of Chinglish signs.


  • 12 Days of Kitschmas

    ‘Tis the season for the Ship of Fools to be irreverent.  I can’t wait until Santa brings me the Holy Trinity 3-pak Lego Set


  • Treasury Secretary Paul O’Neill resigns over the "Pajama People" scandal.


  • George Bush Doll (BB)

    This is the perfect gift [excluding a brown shirt with matching jackboots

    ;-)] for that special Dittohead on your Christmas list. 

    Just "press the button on George’s back to hear him say 17 powerful and patriotic phrases".   My favorite one is "working hard putting food on your family".   I’m not sure what that means, but hey, fool me once…


  • Bah Humbug at Wal-mart

    "Are there no prisons?  Are there no workhouses?" — Ebenezer Scrooge


  • Osama Action Figures

    The Osama action figure is a big hit with parents in Karachi buying holiday gifts for their youngsters.


  • Internet spammer can’t take what he dishes out

    Finally, a spammer gets a taste of his own medicine.


  • Lovable trickster created a monster with Bigfoot hoax

    The Bigfoot legend is traced to a practical joke made in 1958. 


  • show and tell home (BB)

    These are some really great album covers.  Take some time and check these guys out.  Here, for example, is that famous Christian singer Mr. Bat


  • Could the Pentagon be responsible for the missing Krispy Kreme Donuts Blimp?  You can have free gut bombs (donuts) for life if you know the answer.  BTW, where the heck do you hide a blimp anyway?


  • "31 Reasons I’m Still Fat"

    This is pretty funny list of reasons why it’s hard to lose weight.

    I’m tackling my New Year’s resolutions one at a time and alphabetically. Therefore, I can’t "Lose weight" until I "Learn to play the glockenspiel."


  • Sheep are sprayed with words to create poetry

    This story reminds me of theCow Placard Company Speaking of cows have you heard about the cow that was triedfor Traffic Accidentin Russia?

  • Harper’s Index

    Interesting statistics from Harper’s.  For example did you know:

    Ratio of Japanese killed in 1945’s U.S. atomic-bomb attacks to Iraqi children killed due to U.N. sanctions


  • Two Van Gogh paintings stolen

    The stolen paintings are well known to art lovers: View of the Sea at Scheveningen and Congregation Leaving the Reformed Church at Nuenen. Both from the artist’s early period, they were executed in 1882 and 1884, respectively.


  • Harper’s Index

    Interesting statistics from Harper’s.  For example did you know:

    Ratio of Japanese killed in 1945’s U.S. atomic-bomb attacks to Iraqi children killed due to U.N. sanctions


  • Two Van Gogh paintings stolen

    The stolen paintings are well known to art lovers: View of the Sea at Scheveningen and Congregation Leaving the Reformed Church at Nuenen. Both from the artist’s early period, they were executed in 1882 and 1884, respectively.


  • Annual NORAD Tracks Santa Website!

    This is a really a nice family Christmas site from those defense sky watchers at NORAD.  The site also includes a great select of Christmas music (MP3) from the USAF band of the Rockies.


  • NOVA Orchid Hunter Gallery

    These are some great pictures of orchids.


  • Top SciTech Gifts 2002

    How about a nice double helix bracelet

Breaking News Alerts

12/14/2002 – Here is a funny story about the Christmas kidnapping of a plastic Jesus from a Nativity display. (F)

12/13/2002 – Start the weekend early at the Balloon Hat Experience Atlas. (BB)

Have you seen Trent Lott’s Official Christmas Card

The Talking Points Memo by Josh Marshall is required reading for those interested in Trent Lott’s meltdown. 

I think that a lot of the fundamental principles that Jefferson Davis believed in are very important to people across the country, and they apply to the Republican Party.  — Trent Lott Interview 1984

12/12/2002 – Just in time for last minute Christmas shopping Froogle, yet another Google spin-off.   Also, I like new Google Labs Google Viewer

Check out Poindexter’s spooky TIA Systems diagram.  Notice that the Planned Accomplishments are TBD.  This reminds me of these Big Brother slogans from Orwell’s 1984:

War is Peace, Freedom is Slavery, Ignorance is Strength.

12/11/2002  –  The Bowlingual is perfect Christmas gift for Fido, and for that chemist on your list, check out this nice periodic coffee table.  (2002 Ig Noble Prize Winners.)

Chapter 11 for the Boston Archdiocese?   What do you think?

12/10/2002  –  Check out this funny review of this Turkish video remake of Star Trek.  It includes pictures of the cast. 

Something Awful has a funny spoof on "Items Misinterpreted from the News".

This 404 Lab tracks interesting HTTP 404 error pages on the Internet.  Here is best 404 message ever according to the Lab.

Website Technical Problems

I am in the process of moving IWR to a new website.  Hopefully, this will end these extended outages. 

Animation and Shorts

12/09/2002  –  Check out this great ad by the ACLU on John Ashcroft’s re-writing the Constitution.

These videos on Optical Camouflage are definitely worth checking out.  (BB)

"This idea is very simple. If you project background image onto the masked object, you can observe the masked object just as if it were virtually transparent." 

Please don’t try viewing Recursive in an altered state. 😉  That also includes this poignant political ad Technical Difficulties

Here is a rather interesting trailer for the sci-fi thriller Equilibrium.  It looks a little like a Kung Fu version of Fahrenheit 451

Animation and Shorts Archive

Other Humor and Satire on the Net

Mad Magazine’s Gulf Wars Poster

by Mad

O’Neill Fired Over ‘It’s The Economy, Stupid’ Remark

by Andy Borowitz

First Lady Laura Bush’s Recipe Box


Unlikely Christmas Albums

by Something Awful (PG)

Vampire Ecology in the Jossverse

by Brian Thomas of Stanford

Presidents Washington through Bush may have lied about key matters

by The Onion

The Secret Life of Henry Kissinger

by Neal Pollack

Report slams ‘bigoted’ Santa

by The Rockall Times

T.I.A. and Cryogenic Staffing

by Mark Fiore

This Modern World

by Tom Tomorrow

Homeland Security and George Orwell

by Clay Bennett, CSM

Chancellor Schroeder tops German charts

by Yahoo Oddly Enough

When Distant Holes Collide

by LA Times

Hu’s On First?

by James Sherman

Flight of the Chickenhawks



Salmagundi Continued
  • Paddle a mile in their canoes

    Interesting article on a group that plans to reenact the Lewis and Clark expedition to commemorate the 200 year anniversary.

Computing and Technology


CNET Tech. News


Dan Gillmor


NYT: Technology

Register (UK)


Snopes Additions

Technology Review

Wired News


Business Week

CBS MarketWatch

Financial Times (UK)


Red Herring

The Week in Computing
  • A Hissing Noise in My Computer (F)

    The hissing noise was a real hisser.  Check out the photos of this snake in a PC problem.


  • The 500 Mile Email Problem (BB)

    This is an interesting tale from a sysadmin who had a rather vexing email problem.


  • Hey, I’m a Loyal Mac User, Too

    Once upon a time, the Macintosh was light years ahead of Windoze.  I know I used to install and promote the Mac back then.  But that was ten years ago.  Since that time Windoze, has mostly closed the gap in the home appliance category. 

    People that have appliance fetishes are truly some of the most boring people on earth.  I really don’t care what kind of unnatural love affair you have with you car, stereo or PC.

    What really matters are the open standards that has enabled the Internet to take off without the proprietary software from the evil empire or some proprietary appliance from Apple.


  • Software giants ‘trample freedoms’

    Every time you buy software from companies such as Microsoft, IBM, Sun and Adobe you hand over much more than just money, you also give up basic freedoms and human rights.

    So says Richard Stallman, president of the Free Software Foundation, and long-time campaigner against the proprietary programs produced and owned by many software companies.


  • PGP 8.0

    A new version of PGP encryption software version 8.0 is available for downloading for Windows and Macintosh.


  • Molecular memory bank draws closer

    Scientists can now store up too a 1,000 bits of information in a single molecule of liquid crystal.

The Week in Computing Continued

Tonya Feels Bill’s Pain

  • Empirical Analysis of Internet Filtering in China

    Interesting report from Harvard Law school on Chinese filtering of Internet sites.  Here is a list of 126 sites (highlights) that are blocked by the Chinese government.


  • Lawrence Lessig

    Lawrence Lessig points out that copyright’s actually prevent the showing of vast majority of movies produced from 1927-1946 for example.  How can you buy a DVD for something that you can’t even see.  Since Napster went away, I have nearly stopped purchasing CDs because now I can’t sample potential music from around the world.  There has got to be a better way.

Politics of Computing

Feds Label Wi-Fi a Terrorist Tool

Wired (12/06/2002)

Total Poindexter Awareness: essential information

Register (12/05/2002)

Microsoft: Linux on desktops a threat

CNET (12/04/2002)

Apple: It’s All About the Brand

Wired (12/04/2002)

Security, Hacks and Patches

Virus Throttle a Hopeful Defense

Wired (12/09/2002)

Microsoft: IE hole worse than reported

CNET (12/06/2002)

Science and Health

Science News

Astro. Pic. of the Day

BBC Sci/Tech

CNN Sci/Tech

Environmental News

Improbable Research

Nat. Geographic


New Scientist

NY Times: Science

Science Daily

Sky and Telescope

The Week in Science and Health
  • Science of Art: Walking on the Wind

    Check out these amazing works of art.


  • Daffodils do the twist

    Phillip Ball discusses how plants are built to go with the flow of the wind.


  • "The knotty problem of choosing the optimum way of lacing up shoes has been solved by a new mathematical proof."  BTW, ever notice that Dubya always wears penny loafers


  • First passenger magnetic levitation train set for lift-off

    The Transrapid 08 has reached 312 miles per hour (500 km/h) in testing and will carry passengers at a top speed above 250 mph.  The train will transport travelers between Pudong International Airport and Shanghai’s financial district.


  • Earth As Art

    These are some spectacular pictures of the Earth from NASA.


  • Life ‘began on the ocean floor’

    The theory claims that living systems originated in so-called "inorganic incubators" – small compartments in iron sulphide rocks.

    Proposed by Professor William Martin, of Düsseldorf University, and Professor Michael Russell, of the Scottish Environmental Research Centre in Glasgow, it stands conventional ideas on their head.

    Instead of the building blocks of life forming first, and then forming a cell-like structure, the researchers say the cell came first and was later filled with living molecules.


  • ‘Why I believe UFOs are bunk’

    Good BBC article point out that all these UFO crackpots can rely on for evidence are manufactured conspiracy theories.  The logic is something like the government has the real information on UFO’s but won’t release it.  As Carl Sagan once said, "Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence."

Psychology, History and Human Origins

Unmarried mothers ‘more depressed’

BBC (12/08/2002)

Was Maya Pyramid Designed to Chirp Like a Bird?

NG (12/06/2002)

UCLA Study Names 10 Keys To Recovery From Schizophrenia

ScienceDaily (12/06/2002)

Oldest American writing found in dump

Nature (12/06/2002)

Human skulls are ‘oldest Americans’

BBC (12/03/2002)

Astronomy, Physics and Space

Researchers Make the Best Argument Yet That Neutrinos Are Capable of Changing Form

NYT (12/07/2002)

Exoplanet’s Mass Pinned Down

Sky and Telescope (12/06/2002)

How to Slice the Pi Very, Very Thin

NYT (12/06/2002)

Martian water gone in a flash

BBC (12/06/2002)

World’s ‘oldest’ volcanic rocks

BBC (12/06/2002)

Europe plans world’s biggest telescope

BBC (12/05/2002)

Environment and Nature

Record ice loss in Arctic

BBC (12/09/2002)

‘Compelling evidence’ of global warming

CNN (12/07/2002)

Almost Half the Earth Is Still Wilderness

ENS (12/05/2002)

Radioactive patients set off subway alarms

NewScientist (12/05/2002)

African Hunger Threatens World Peace, Security

ENS (12/05/2002)

Tainted wells pour arsenic onto food crops

NewScientist (12/04/2002)

Novel fridge cools with sound

BBC (12/04/2002)

Arctic to lose all summer ice by 2100

NewScientist (12/04/2002)

Appeals Court Blocks California Offshore Oil Drilling

ENS (12/03/2002)


Eye microchip could save sight

BBC (12/07/2002)

Pill [contraception] alert for cancer risk women

BBC (12/04/2002)

Contraception ‘key to poverty trap’

BBC (12/03/2002)


Politics and Commentary

The Osama Clock

Political  Commentary

(L = Left; R = Right)


American Politics (L)

American Prospect (L)

BuzzFlash (L) (L)

Daily Howler (L)

Mother Jones (L)

Nation (L)

National Review (R)

New Republic (LR)

OpinionJournal (R)

Pundat Pap (L)

Reason (LR)


Slate (L)

Smirking Chimp (L) (L)

Town Hall (R)

Weekly Standard (R)

WorkingForChange (L)

Favorite Columnists

Art Buchwald

Maureen Dowd

Molly Ivins

Robert Novak

News Periodicals


New Yorker



The Weekly Rant
  • Back, But Not By Popular Demand

    This is a good article by David Greenberg on the criminals  the Bush Administration has been hiring and promoting lately.

    You might think that a few of these folks would have had their careers ended by their misdeeds. And you might think that being tough on crime, long a GOP mantra, begins at home. You’d be wrong: On the matter of these men’s sordid pasts, the Bush administration has shown an indulgence and permissiveness that would make Dr. Spock blanch. (If a conservative is a liberal who’s been mugged, a liberal is a conservative who’s been indicted.) As a result, these vintage villains are not on parole but on parade. It’s an ’80s nostalgia party, as thrown by Ed Meese.


  • Cheneyville Christmas

    Using "It’s a Wonderful Life" as a backdrop, Maureen Dowd points out that unlike George Bailey Dubya’s mission in life is to clear the name of his Dad’s past misdeeds.

    Just as George Bailey reverses his life to see how things would have been different, the younger George Bush is reversing his father’s life to see how things would have been different. (Rather than Pottersville, W. goes to Cheneyville, a grim, secretive place where the poor are squeezed and the environment is scrooged.)

    If 41 hadn’t been president, 43 would have nothing to do, since the kid spends all his time doing U-turns on the highway of Pop’s presidency.

    His father let Saddam stay and raised taxes to cut the deficit; the son has to get rid of Saddam and cut taxes, raising the deficit.


  • Photographer Arrested for Taking Pictures of Vice President’s Hotel

    The Bush Gestapo team clicks it jackboots once more.

  • Lott Decried For Part Of Salute to Thurmond

    The Republicans show their true colors of just what they really stand for in the South.

  • The Trails of Henry Kissinger

    Roger Ebert reviews the "The Trials of Henry Kissenger" documentary and had this to say:

    The odds are excellent that President Bush did not see this film before appointing Henry Kissinger as the head of a special commission to examine shortcomings of U.S. Intelligence in the period before 9/11. ‘The Trials of Henry Kissinger’ charges Kissinger himself with authorizing illegal terrorist acts on behalf of the United States. Did Bush put the fox in charge of the hen house? [You bet he did!]


  • With ’04 in Mind, Bush Team Saw Economic, Political Peril

    Dana Milbank provides a good analysis of what was behind the O’Neill-Lindsey purge.  The Bush Administration is on the defensive about the economy and they can’t just blame Clinton or the Democrats anymore.

    Until now, Bush and his aides have blamed the economic malaise on terrorists, on the policies of President Bill Clinton or on Senate Democrats for blocking Bush’s agenda. But now, midway through his term and with Republicans in control of Congress, opinion polls give Bush poor marks on handling the economy. Administration officials are concerned that Bush could suffer the fate of his father: losing the presidency because he appeared to deny a struggling economy.


  • The Rightward Press

    E.J. Dinonne points out what most of us on the left have know for some time:  that the media bias is right of center not to the left. 

  • Bush to End Rule Allowing Jobless Money for New Parents

    This is more of that compassionate conservatism double talk that Dubya exposes.   Compassion is only for large corporations, not people.  Wake up America!

  • Iran-Contra Figure Named To Senior Post In White House

    Yet another lying sack of sputum gets promoted in the Bush Administration.

  • Uncle Sam wants your kid

    If you wait long enough, AOL Time-Warner will eventually get to a significant story.  Of course, this didn’t come up before the election.  I know it’s all just a coincidence. 

  • John Gilmore and Matt Smith want to put the screws to John Poindexter by giving Mr. Iran-Contra a taste of his own medicine of what life could be like under the Total Information Awareness Office. 

Sign the "Let the Inspections Work"

 Petition from

Commentary and News of the Week

Radical conservatives find a willing mouthpiece in Kersten

Rob Levine, Star Tribune (12/07/2002)

Love and Race

Nicholas Kristof, NYT (12/06/2002)

Big Money Is Not Free Speech

Editorial, CSM (12/06/2002)

Defend our older citizens

Lawrence Cranberg, CSM (12/06/2002)

Middle East and The War on Terrorism

Anti-US anger grows among Arab moderates

Nicholas Blanford, CSM (12/05/2002

Global anger at US ‘growing’

BBC (12/05/2002)

Use brains, not brawn

Jonathan Freedland, Guardian

Bush Administration

Rollback on Forest Law

Editorial, NYT (12/09/2002)

On Economy, Bush Reveals His Soft Spot

Dan Balz, WP (12/09/2002)

The new GOP patronage

Editorial, Palm Beach Post (12/08/2002)

Jobless Rate Rose To 6% in November

John M. Berry, WP (12/07/2002)

With ’04 in Mind, Bush Team Saw Economic, Political Peril

Dana Milbank, WP (12/07/2002)

Stance on Guns for Individuals Rejected: Court Slaps Down Ashcroft-Bush Policy

Rene Sanchez, WP (12/06/2002)

The GOP Revives Social Security Privatization Ploy

Robert Kuttner, LAT (12/06/2002)

Unemployment Rate Unexpectedly Surges to 6.0 Percent in November

Leigh Strope, WP (12/06/2002)

Poll Finds World Doubts U.S. Motives in Iraq

Richard Morin, WP (12/04/2002)

Feds’ Spying Plan Fades to Black

Julia Scheeres, Wired (12/04/2002)

A Lump of Coal From the President

David S. Broder, WP (12/04/2002)

No License to Drill

Editorial, LAT (12/04/2002)

Bush Restoring Cash Bonuses for Political Appointees

Eric Lichtblau, NYT (12/03/2002)

Industry Seeking Rewards From G.O.P.-Led Congress

K. Seelye, NYT (12/03/2002)

Hey, Lucky  Duckies!  [Conservatives want to raise  taxes on the poor]

Paul Krugman, NYT (12/03/2002)

U.S. Voices Doubts on Iraq Search

Dana Milbank, WP (12/03/2002)


Internet Weekly Report First Issued on 12/15/2001,

Copyright Internet Weekly  2001 and 2002.  

The opinions expressed here are my own. 

Send feedback, ideas, pictures, hate mail,

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