Crawford, TX (IWR Satire) — President Bush announced today that he is going to replace General Tommy Franks with his life long friend, General Gomer Pyle.
"I think General Franks has had a good run as the Commander and Chief of the Central Command in Afghanistan and Iraq, but for our next act in the war against the Axis of Evil, I need someone who speaks my language. I need someone who I can understand and also who the American people can trust to rid the world of evildoers like Saddam Hussein and Kim Jong-Il. It is now my pleasure to introduce that man to all America – General Gomer Pyle," said President Bush. (Applause)
"Gawwwwwwwlee, Mr. President, I sure am honored. What a surprise, surprise, surprise this is for me. I just hope that I can fill the shoes of General Franks. Shazam. I just can’t believe it. Pinch me will ya Lip? Oops, I mean George. (Laughter)
Anyway, Goober says ‘Hey’ to all you good people out there, and I will do my best to make the American people proud of me.
And to Kim Jong-Il , I have just three words for you to consider: shame, shame, shame," said General Pyle. (Applause)
Internet Weekly Report First Issued on 12/15/2001, Copyright Internet Weekly Report 2001-2003.
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