ARLINGTON, VA (IWR News Parody) – On the campaign trial in Virginia today, President Bush took personal credit for the explosion of cicadas emerging this year on the East Coast.
"If all you did was listen to that goddamn liberal news media, you’d think that the whole stinking world was going to hell in hand basket, and that it was all my fault. That’s why I’m here in Arlington today to set the record straight and take credit for this record bumper crop of cicadas. I mean, there must trillions of these suckers out here, and it all took place on my watch. It’s a sign from the Lord! Think about it people. If Kerry were president, all you’d probably get would be a half dozen or so of those ugly walking sticks," said a jubilant Mr. Bush.
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Internet Weekly Report First Issued on 12/15/2001, Copyright Internet Weekly Report 2001-2004.