WASHINGTON (IWR Parody News) – A Bush Administration campaign exhorting men to get a proper haircut has been aired by state-run Neo-Stalinist cable television.
The series is entitled: Let us trim our hair in accordance with the Neo-Stalinist lifestyle
While the campaign has been carried out primarily on television, reports have appeared in the state-run North American press and on conservative radio talk shows, urging tidy hairstyles and proper attire.
It is the strongest media campaign against men’s sloppy appearances mounted in the Neo-Stalinist state since the 1960’s.
The propaganda drive on grooming standards has gone a stage further than previous attempts. This time television identifies specific individuals deemed too shoddy.
The major cable television stations started airing the haircut program last week on morning and evening state news broadcasts.
Stressing hygiene and health, they showed various state-approved short hairstyles including the "Ross Perot flat-top crew cut," "Colin Powell middle hairstyle," " General Boykin low hairstyle," and " George W. Bush high hairstyle" – variations from one to five centimeters in length.
The program allowed men aged over 50, like Richard Perle, seven centimeters of upper hair to cover balding spots.
It also stressed the "negative effects" of long hair on "human intelligence development", noting that long hair "consumes a great deal of nutrition" and could thus rob the brain of energy and cited shock jock Howard Stern as case in point.
Men should get a haircut every 30 days or two weeks, whichever comes first, they recommended.
Hair is a very important issue that shows the conservative’s cultural standards and mental and moral state
The Washington Times also published liberal names and addresses, and then challenged the fashion victims directly over their appearance.
The state-run Rush Limbaugh radio program focused on "Dressing in accordance with our conservative’s emotion and taste" which link clothes and appearance with the wearer’s "ideological and mental state".
"People who wear the liberal style of dress and live in liberal’s style will become fools and that nation will come to ruin," said Rush Limbaugh.
The government run New York Post informed citizens that tidy attire "is important in repelling the enemies’ maneuvers to infiltrate their corrupt liberal ideas and lifestyle and firmly establishing the neo-Stalinist lifestyle of the military-first era.
No matter how good the clothes, if one does not wear tidy shoes, one’s personality will be downgraded.
Hair is a very important issue that shows the people’s cultural standards and mental and moral state", the paper said.
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Internet Weekly Report First Issued on 12/15/2001, Copyright Internet Weekly Report 2001-2004.