DETROIT, MI (IWR News Parody) – President Bush (above) takes questions from a crowd of African Americans during his visit to Detroit on Friday, where he made an appeal to African American voters during his speech at the annual Urban League convention.
Here’s a transcript of the President’s Speech:
“Where’s Whoopi Goldberg? I wanted to ask her what the hell she was talking about the other night. I asked Pickles about it, and she said everybody we know in Texas calls that thing a bearded taco, not a bush.
That reminds of a French joke about a girl named Fifi. I think I heard that one from Al Sharpton, right Al? I always like to kid my buddy Al.
Well enough of that junk, let’s get down to some serious business.
Now many of you here may think I’m just another crazy Texas honky because I missed that stupid NAACP meeting, but heck, I never was big fan of basketball anyway.
However, one thing I do understand is what a swing state is, and that’s why I’m here in Detroit to talk to you colored folks.
I know the Republican Party has got a lot of work to do to win your support, but please consider the following before you waste your vote on Lurch and Howdy Doody.
I’m a compassionate conservative who has personally hired Africanos like Colin Powell, Condi Rice, not to mention, my personal golf caddie Spike. There’s one more too if you count Cheney when he puts on his black face and sings “Mammy” at one of our $10,000 a plate campaign fundraising dinners that we have when we’re down in Dixieland.
Why don’t you people consider voting for a party that will guarantee lower wages and outsource even more jobs to India and China instead?
Also, consider my minority friendly record on affirmative action, civil rights and prisons. We like to think of prisons as the Republican version of public housing.
See, unlike the Democrats, we won’t take you for granted. Hell, we don’t care if you SOBs live or die for that matter, and you can take that to bank!
So vote for me, and we’ll teach those liberal traitors a lesson in competition.
Or think of it this way, if you vote for me at least you won’t feel as disappointed as you will when the Democrats renege on their campaign promises,” said Mr. Bush to the incredulous audience.
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