Washington (IWR News Satire) - The Department
of Homeland Security today issued a red alert on the planned invasion
this holiday season by Terrorist "Lynch Dawgs".
At his press
conference, Tom Ridge made the following remarks:
"It seems, while we have preoccupied with the war in Iraq and
tourists who travel to Cuba, Osama
bin Laden and his followers have relocated from the Pakistan-Afghanistan
border region to Lynch, NB.
To make matters worse, these terrorists have joined forces with
These evildoers are planning a major counter insurgency by
launching a full-scale attack on America by an army of 'Lynch Dawgs!
Although on the surface these so-called dawgs appear cute and
cuddly, they are actually remotely controlled Wahhabist robots.
These sinister machines are programmed, at various intervals of
the day, to switch TV sets to al Jezeera or make a
nice spicy hummus snack with pita bread, when you least expect it!
Also, when an unsuspecting child pushes the button on the dog's
back, the automatons will then say pro-terrorist statements.
He is one of the messages that our agents have decoded:
'Osama is Good! Boosh is Bad!'
If your child should receive one these prairie dog golems as
Christmas gift, please contact the Homeland Security Office immediate!
Do not listen to the dogs. Wear earplugs if possible, and
whatever you do, do not sample any tasty side dishes that the dog may
prepare for you.