At his press conference, Tom Ridge made the following remarks:

"It seems, while we have preoccupied with the war in Iraq and fining tourists who travel to Cuba, Osama bin Laden and his followers have relocated from the Pakistan-Afghanistan border region to Lynch, NB. 

To make matters worse, these terrorists have joined forces with Saddam Hussein.

These evildoers are planning a major counter insurgency by launching a full-scale attack on America by an army of 'Lynch Dawgs!

Although on the surface these so-called dawgs appear cute and cuddly, they are actually remotely controlled Wahhabist robots.

These sinister machines are programmed,  at various intervals of the day, to switch TV sets to al Jezeera or make a nice spicy hummus snack with pita bread, when you least expect it!

Also, when an unsuspecting child pushes the button on the dog's back, the automatons will then say pro-terrorist statements.

He is one of the messages that our agents have decoded:

'Osama is Good!  Boosh is Bad!'

If your child should receive one these prairie dog golems as Christmas gift, please contact the Homeland Security Office immediate! 

Do not listen to the dogs.  Wear earplugs if possible, and whatever you do, do not sample any tasty side dishes that the dog may prepare for you.

Thank You."