|BALTIMORE, MD (IWR Satire) -
Scientists at Johns Hopkins University today discovered that one form
of a common brain protein makes conservative republican senators
rather bad at reasoning things.
Human intelligence is partly inherited - studies of parents and
children show that about half our cleverness, or lack of it, is
revealed by our political affiliation.
Senators who inherit the less common form of a serotonin receptor
have worse reasoning powers than progressive people with the more
Scientists suspect that eventually, a set of such mental genes will
be identified that together make the difference between a clever brain
and a conservative republican one.
Neural Pathway Density
Dr. Howard, who led the Johns Hopkins study, explained the main difference
between the conservative and progressive brain:
"The typical conservative senator, that we studied, had less than
half the neural pathway density of his/her progressive
It is thought, that in order to compensate for this reasoning
deficiency, conservative senators construct a simple binary
cartoon-like world of good and evil and are unable to appreciate the
nuances required for dealing with everyday realities."