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Human-Turkey Link Found


Human-Turkey Link Found
12:47 24 November 03
NewScience.com news service - IWR Satire

Evolutionary biologists at Cornell University have established that at least one human subspecies can trace its lineage to the common domestic turkey.

Professor Ernest Bilko and his research team at Cornell analyzed samples of DNA taken from a colonic polyp from President Bush and a pilonidal cyst from Rush Limbaugh both of which were removed during previous surgeries.

The researchers then compared these DNA sequences with those from a common domestic turkey, and were shocked to find that these two species shared 85% of their DNA.

The team concluded that the human subspecies, Homo Sapiens Republicanus, have evolved in part from humans breeding with turkeys. 

The scientists theorize that Republicanus became a separate human subspecies during the Hoover administration.

"We suspected there was a human-turkey relationship in a previous study where we identified remarkable similarities between the vocalizations of turkeys with those of conservative commentators like Bill O'Reilly and Dr. Laura Schlessinger," said Dr. Bilko.

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Internet Weekly Report First Issued on 12/15/2001,
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