Elizabeth, NJ (IWR Satire) -
President Bush theoretically countered those questioning his
justification for the invasion of Iraq on Monday, dismissing
"revisionist historians" and saying Washington acted to counter a
"Now there are some who would like to rewrite history; revisionist
historians is what I like to call them," Bush said in a speech to a
bunch of New Jersey Bush supporters.
I mean I must have said it at least a billion times before that
Iraq was harboring
blimps of mass destruction, not WMD, but BMD," Bush stated
Referring to the ousted Iraqi president, Bush said, "Saddam Hussein
and his awesome fleet of dirigibles was a threat to America and the
free world in '91, in '98, in 2003. I mean why do you think
Rummy wanted a new missile defense system so bad?
I mean lets clear up this nonsense right now.
For example in my
5, 2002 I said:
'We know that the regime has produced thousands of tons of
chemical agents, including mustard gas, Sarin nerve gas, VX nerve
What I really meant to say was thousands of tons of hydrogen gas
needed to inflate their evil blimps of destruction.
Also, when I said:
'We've also discovered through intelligence that Iraq has a growing
fleet of manned and unmanned aerial vehicles that could be used to
disperse chemical or biological weapons across broad areas. We're
concerned that Iraq is exploring ways of using these UAVS for missions
targeting the United States.'
Now UAVS is just a fancy way of saying balloons.
Finally, when I reported:
'The evidence indicates that Iraq is reconstituting its nuclear
weapons program. Saddam Hussein has held numerous meetings with
Iraqi nuclear scientists, a group he calls his "nuclear mujahideen"
- his nuclear holy warriors. Satellite photographs reveal that Iraq is
rebuilding facilities at sites that have been part of its nuclear
program in the past. Iraq has attempted to purchase high-strength
aluminum tubes and other equipment needed for gas centrifuges, which
are used to enrich uranium for nuclear weapons.'
From now on, when I say nucular just replace that silly word with
blimp. And that's that. You don't think Karl would, er, I
mean, I would lie to you, do you," said President Bush.