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Bush Plans to Outsource NASA to India

WASHINGTON (IWR Satire) -- President Bush on Monday told a joint session of Congress that in order to balance the budget we will need to start outsourcing government programs and agencies like NASA to third world countries.

"To pay for the exploding costs of the war in Iraq and to keep the rest of the government operating without interruption, we have to find a way to save some money to balance the ballooning federal deficit. 

Karl tells me that this could help my reelection chances.  Ha. Ha.

And you know, the last thing I want to do is raise taxes on my corporate patrons.  That's not why they bought and paid for the 2000 election after all is it?  Hell they'd drop me in a second and appoint old Cheney here to replace me if I did sumpin' dumb as that!

Luckily, Dick still works as a paid consultant for Halliburton, and he told me they got this great new gimmick called outsourcing. 

I hear it's strictly on the up and up.

You see the middle class professional people of this country have always been viewed as expensive deadwood overhead by big business.  

So why not, at a fraction of the cost, outsource these high wage jobs to the lowest bidder in India, the Philippines or China? 

It makes a lot of sense to me, anyway. 

Just imagine the professional middle class as a rather large labor union, get the picture?

Anyway, the first thing that I want to outsource is NASA.  I mean who cares what happens to a bunch of pointy headed engineers, technicians, scientists?  Karl says they don't vote for me anyway. Ha. Ha.

Hell, India will run our whole damn space program for a third of the cost!  Think about it.  No health care benefits.  No workman's compensation.  No labor unions.  It's like a dream come true.

Sure some poor slobs in this country will lose their jobs and health benefits, but shoot, there are plenty of minimum wage jobs out there for everybody.

For example, do you know how hard it is for a Republican millionaire to find an English speaking gardener or maid these days?  And don't forget, there is always Amway," said the president to a standing ovation from the Republican site of the aisle.

 

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Monkey Pants
 

Internet Weekly Report First Issued on 12/15/2001,
Copyright Internet Weekly Report 2001-2003.



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