WASHINGTON (IWR Satire) -- President Bush
on Monday told a joint session of Congress that in order to balance
the budget we will need to start outsourcing government programs and
agencies like NASA to third world countries.
"To pay for the
exploding costs of the war in Iraq and to keep the rest of the
government operating without interruption, we have to find a way to
save some money to balance the ballooning federal deficit.
Karl tells me that this could help my reelection chances. Ha.
And you know, the last thing I want to do is raise taxes on my
corporate patrons. That's not why they bought and paid for the 2000 election
after all is it? Hell they'd drop me in a second and appoint old
Cheney here to replace me if I did sumpin' dumb as that!
Luckily, Dick still works as a paid consultant for Halliburton, and
he told me they got this great new gimmick called outsourcing.
I hear it's strictly on the up and up.
You see the middle class professional people of this country have
always been viewed as expensive deadwood overhead by big business.
So why not, at a fraction of the cost, outsource these high wage
jobs to the lowest bidder in India, the Philippines or China?
It makes a lot of sense to me, anyway.
Just imagine the professional middle class as a rather large labor
union, get the picture?
Anyway, the first thing that I want to outsource is NASA. I
mean who cares what happens to a bunch of pointy headed engineers,
technicians, scientists? Karl says they don't vote for me
anyway. Ha. Ha.
Hell, India will run our whole damn space program for a third of
the cost! Think about it. No health care benefits.
No workman's compensation. No labor unions. It's like a
dream come true.
Sure some poor slobs in this country will lose their jobs and
health benefits, but shoot, there are plenty of minimum wage jobs out
there for everybody.
For example, do you know how hard it is for a Republican
to find an English speaking gardener or maid these days? And
don't forget, there is always Amway," said the president to a standing
ovation from the Republican site of the aisle.