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The Codpiece Has Landed!
'Ask not what your country can do for you.
Ask what you can do for Halliburton!'

Washington (IWR News Satire) - President Bush confirmed today that he plans to send a special mission to the moon to exploit its natural resources, expand the search for Saddam Hussein's missing Weapons of Mass Destruction, and to see if any of those lost factory jobs might be hiding there.

Here are the President's remarks:

Karl tells me that 2004 is an election year.  Boy does time fly when you are having so much fun! 

It helps that I never read any of those lying newspapers!

[Mr. Bush puts his thumbs to his ears, wiggles his fingers and makes a face at the audience.]

Anyway, Karl says that I need a Kennedy style gimmick. 

You know, like putting a man on moon or something like that.

Karl says we need to distract the American people from the side effects our 'Texas Chainsaw Massacre' approach to things like Iraq and the economy.

You know that was me and my drinking buddies favorite movie too.

[The audience laughs nervously.]

Like I was saying, we need what Karl calls a smokescreen to help make people forget about all those things that are bumming 'em out. 

You know: unemployment, no real progress on the war on terrorism, outsourcing jobs overseas, those damn Osama tapes, the ballooning cost of healthcare and college intuitions,  and a budget deficit as big as a zit on Godzilla's butt.

Get the picture?

Therefore, I hereby challenge the American people to put a man on the moon again by 2010!

I mean, who knows what junk we might find up there. 

We might even find those missing WMD or them three million jobs that I lost!

And remember this:

Ask not what your country can do for you.  Ask what you can do for Halliburton!

Thank you.

END

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Internet Weekly Report First Issued on 12/15/2001,
Copyright Internet Weekly Report 2001-2003.



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