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Bush Says "Divine Intervention" Responsible
For Higher Labor Day Gas Prices

CRAWFORD, TX (IWR Satire) -- President Bush today explained the annual rise in Labor Day gas prices as part of God's plan to reward loyal conservatives. 

"When people ask me why gas prices always seem to rise on holiday weekends, I tell them it's all due to the divine intervention of Lord.  He knows that the conservatives, who control the oil, gas and energy reserves in this country, occasionally need a helping hand.  He knows these kind hearted conservatives would never price gouge the American people on gasoline.

Shoot, if it wasn't for God naturally driving up gasoline prices on holidays, prices could rise when demand was lower and then my campaign contributors wouldn't be adequately compensated. 

You see, God knows that.  It's just the Lord's way of being compassionate to conservatives," said Mr. Bush.

Soaring Gas Prices Nearing Record

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Internet Weekly Report First Issued on 12/15/2001,
Copyright Internet Weekly Report 2001-2003.

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