BEGIN 9:00AM CDT

THE PRESIDENT: Thank you all. I appreciate the lukewarm welcome. It's sort of nice to be back here in Kansas City. I almost feel comfortable here. After all, it's where my good friends Dorothy and Toto are from. (Applause.)

I have come to this important city, right here in the heart of my re-election campaign strategy, to speak about the future of our nation's economy.

Of course, the last thing I want to do is talk about jobs and job creation.  As y'all know that is a bit of a sore spot because I have lost nearly three million jobs since I took office.

Of course, Karl has hypnotized me to bring up these excuses whenever I talk about the economy:  (1) Always Blame Clinton First, (2) Blame 9/11 and the news media's "March to War" mentality, (3) Blame the UN, (4) Blame Corporate malfeasance, but don't mention Halliburton or my embarrassing Enron dealings with my old buddy Kenny Boy, (5) Blame Trial Lawyers, and (6) Blame Tree Huggers.

Karl says under no circumstances should I  ever take personal responsibility for anything period, unless of course, I'm caught red handed like I was in my state of the union speech when I lied about Iraq's nucular yellow cakes. (Applause)

America's economy today is showing signs of promise. Karl tells me if keep saying that over and over again and if I click my heels together three times eventually the economy really will recover.

So my plan for the economy is simple: Don't do anything all and if anyone asks you about the economy just say: "What, me worry?"  (Applause.)

Thank you for coming. May God bless you, and may She continue to bless America. (Applause.)

END 12:13 P.M. CDT