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Ashcroft Declares Martial Law In Ypsilanti

YPSILANTI, MI (IWR Satire) - Attorney General John Ashcroft today declared marshal law in Ypsilanti, MI. 

Mr. Ashcroft said the Justice Department was taking this joint action with General Boykin to make an example of pornographers, who prey on our college students.

"This country will no longer tolerate pagan edifices which celebrate filth. 

Eastern Michigan University is just the first of many campuses where we will be taking this drastic action," said Mr. Ashcroft.

"My God has bigger doughnut holder than Allah, Buddha and that blue guy put together," said General Boykin.

A spokesperson for Mr. Ashcroft then said that the tower would be covered with a nice patriotic, red, white and blue novelty condom until the structure could be demolished.


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Internet Weekly Report First Issued on 12/15/2001,
Copyright Internet Weekly Report 2001-2003.

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