|Washington (IWR Satire) - On orders
from the President of the United States, George W. Bush, Attorney
General John Ashcroft placed the U.S. Supreme Court under quarantine
until further notice.
According to Ashcroft, the majority of the Supreme Court has
contracted a mysterious malady with symptoms similar to St. Vitas
Dance. The CDC has tentatively labeled the disease, the
"We knew something was a kilter when the justices ruled that
University of Michigan Law school could have admission practices
favorable to the Negro Race. Then the unthinkable happened when
the justices rendered the most uncharacteristically liberal of
decisions by tossing out the Texas sodomy law, as if they actually
believed in civil liberties!
As everybody knows, the President and myself take as gospel the
missionary position between a man and a women, outfitted usually in a
pastel colored pantsuit.
The thought of man on man sex is too disgusting, and I should know,
I stay awake many a night thinking about the variations, only as a
justice official understand," stated the Attorney General.