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Ashcroft Arrests Al Franken As Enemy Combatant

WASHINGTON (IWR Satire) --  Attorney General John Ashcroft today arrested comedian Al Franken for being an enemy combatant of the United States and more importantly Rupert Murdoch.

"When the President heard the heinous crimes committed by Mr. Franken against our beloved fair and balanced cable channel, Fox News, he immediately ordered me to incarcerate Mr. Franklin.

That SOB, Al Franken, is neither a journalist nor a television news personality. He is not Tom Delay.  He is not Brit Hume. He is not Tony Snow.  He is not a biased neocon McCarthyist voice in American politics; rather, he appears to be honest, lucid and stable, and Fox News has a legal right not be confused with his aberrant behavior.

Unlike Fox News, Franken's views actually contain serious depth and insight, for Christ sakes!  Besides that, he's a creep who makes fun of my conservative heroes.  Can you believe he actually once wrote a book called 'Rush Limbaugh Is a Big Fat Idiot'?   Come on now, Rush has lost a lot of weight.

The real topper is, Mr. Franken's book cover outrageously mimics the look and feel of two books written by Bill O'Reilly, a patriot and a prominent Fox News personality. Mr. O'Reilly is also pictured on the cover, just beneath the word 'Lies'!  What an outrage!

I mean like Bill O'Reilly is like my best buddy of all times!  He never lies unless he's on the air, and besides that if you screw with him, then you screw with the law.  You bastard!

I just hope Mr. Murdoch is not too upset when he finds out how long it took us to arrest this liberal scum," said Ashcroft, who began foaming at the mouth.

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Internet Weekly Report First Issued on 12/15/2001,
Copyright Internet Weekly Report 2001-2003.



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