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Tom Ridge Issues Wienermobile Alert
For the Fourth Of July Weekend

Washington (IWR Satire) - According to chatter reported by several intelligence sources, Homeland Security Czar, Tom Ridge, issued an Orange Wienermobile Alert for the Fourth of July weekend. 

"My fellow Americans, it has come to our intention that Osama bin Laden, Saddam Hussein and Fidel Castro are planning a major terrorist strike on America this holiday weekend.  These terrorist evildoers will be commandeering an entire fleet of hot-dog shaped cars and trucks in nearly every city in the United States and will attempt to distribute radioactive or 'dirty hot-dogs', a vile brand of terrorist beer called "Osama Milwaukee", and Agent Orange flavored snow cones to unsuspecting Americans.   The command center for these dastardly activities is thought to be Somewhere in Minnesota," said Ridge. 

"Intelligence sources say that a fleet of dirigibles and water bikes commandeered by al Qaeda, Cuban and Iraqi Baath party operatives will first attempt a D-Day style assault on the State of Michigan.  

Once the news media and military are distracted by this diversion attack, the dreaded Wienermobiles will be dispatched throughout the country handing out their skunky beer and dirty hot-dogs with a special mustard gas garnish.  

If anyone should come in contact with a Wienermobile, please contact the FBI immediately.  If you are really hungry and can't control your yourself, please remember to take your Official Homeland Security iodide pill before eating one of the hot-dogs or drinking the terrorist brew.

Although FBI statisticians calculate that the probability of tens of thousands of Wienermobiles invading every town in America to be one in a trillion, plus the fact that there is no evidence of July 4 Attack on US, we have decided to issue this alert anyway.  By the way, Happy Fourth,"  said Mr. Ridge.

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Internet Weekly Report First Issued on 12/15/2001,
Copyright Internet Weekly Report 2001-2003.

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