Best of IWR - Tom Ridge The Homeland Security Guy
|Satire and Humor Archive|
Washington (IWR Satire) -- After a hot-dog shaped vehicle was recently intercepted in a restricted area near the Pentagon, Homeland Security Czar, Tom Ridge, quickly issued a Wienermobile Alert. "My fellow Americans, it has come to my intention that al Qaeda, Saddam Hussein and Fidel Castro are planning a terrorist assault on America. These axis of evildoers will be commandeering hot-dog shaped cars and trucks in every city in the United States and will attempt to distribute radioactive or 'dirty hot-dogs' to unsuspecting Americans. The command center for these dastardly activities is thought to be Oscar Town, Minnesota," said Ridge.
"Intelligence sources have informed me that 40 al Qaeda operatives will attempt a D-Day style assault using inner tubes for floatation on Catalina Island. Once the news media and military are distracted by this attack, the dreaded Wienermobiles will be dispatched throughout the country handing out their dirty hot-dogs with a special mustard gas garnish. If anyone should come in contact with a Wienermobile, please contact the FBI immediately. If you are really hungry and can't control your yourself, please remember to take an iodide pill before eating one of the tainted hot-dogs.
Although FBI statisticians calculate that the probability of 10,000 Wienermobiles invading every town in America to be one in a trillion, plus the fact that there is no evidence of July 4 Attack in US, we have decided to issue this alert anyway."
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