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Pajamaland, Uganda -- During his tour of Africa with sidekick U2 rock star Bono, Treasury Secretary Paul O'Neill addressed the "Pajama People" of Uganda.
"First off I would like to thank the Pajama People who provided Bono and myself with these nice striped PJs with matching nightcaps. I also would like to thank Bono for his kind offer to buy me a new pair of glasses and set of ears.
Now let me get to the point you have all been waiting for on what kind of help you can expect from the United States in terms of direct aid. But first, let me tell you the sad story of my childhood in poverty. Did you know that my family was so poor, when somebody threw our dog a bone, he had to call for a fair catch?* I mean I was so poor that I could have been Senator Byrd's caddie. But you know something? I never needed any welfare or handouts to become what I am today. Handouts are evil. This is the moral of the story.
I would like to make it clear to everybody in Africa, including you good Pajama People, that the genius of capitalism is based on the philosophy of Social Darwinism. In other words, my friends, it is the fit that will survive in this dog-eat-dog world. Remember if you die from AIDS, starvation or even Ebola, it is just the natural way of the world. So cheer up, a lucky few of you will survive and maybe you will even make a few dollars selling these here pajamas to people in Marin, California. Thank you and God Bless."
* Source Lee Trevino
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