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Best of IWR - Paleness

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Satire and Humor

Harvard Study Finds Whites Paler than Other Races

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Very Pale (10) Not pale (1)

Cambridge, MA (IWR Satire) -- Researchers at Harvard University today released a long awaited ten year study on "Paleness in America".   The study was based on 100,000 interviews of college students of mixed ethnic and racial backgrounds and was conducted across the country from June 1992 to June 2002.   Subjects were given a series of photographs and told to rate each one in terms of paleness from (1) not pale at all to (10) very pale.

The Harvard study found that there was a significant difference in paleness between people of European ancestry and that of other racial groups in America.  "It is clear from our research that the vast majority of white people are much more pallid than Arabs, African Americans and other persons of color,"  said Dr. Haeckel.  "This difference in paleness could not be explained by chance alone.  In addition, this study has found that this hue of paleness varies with the seasons.  In the summer months, for example, white people tend to get tanned from the sun making them less faint, relatively speaking, to the other races.  

If we look at Figure 1, we can see the seasonal differences in  paleness during the winter months when white folks especially in the North develop that 'Night of the Living Dead look'.   This is why most celebrities, TV news readers and politicians try and overcome the 'stigma' of their paleness by visiting tanning studios year round." 

Based on these findings, Dr. Haeckel said Harvard plans to have a follow-up study to determine the effects of global warming on paleness in America.

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Figure 1

Internet Weekly Report First Issued on 12/15/2001,
Copyright Internet Weekly Report 2001-2003.

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