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Best of IWR - James Traficant

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Traficant to Star in Werner Herzog Film

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Washington (IWR Satire) --  Defrocked  U.S. Congressman, James Traficant, today announced that he will be starring in a re-make of Werner Herzog's 1970 cult classic -- Even Dwarfs Started Small

"After my appearance this week before the House Ethics Committee, I got a call from German film producer, Werner Herzog.  He told me he liked my surrealistic performance on C-SPAN and thought that I would be perfect person to play the Dwarf's asylum governor in his new re-make of "Even Dwarfs Started Small".  I told Werner to, 'Beam me Up!'.  Hell, I've been under assault from people chucking worse things at me than live chickens.  I told him as long as I don't have to dance or have a love scene with that traitor Janet Reno, I should be cool," said Traficant.

When questioned by CNN's Rusty Dornin as to whether or not he would be able to star in the movie while in prison.  "You're looking at the No. 1 target of the Justice Department, and I hate those bastards. The FBI can go to hell.   I'm the son of a truck driver, and I cut my hair with a weed whacker.  Does anybody have a friggin' cough drop?  Where's my denim suit?  I think it's time to do my Michael Jackson moonwalk on the House floor," said Traficant.

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Internet Weekly Report First Issued on 12/15/2001,
Copyright Internet Weekly Report 2001-2003.

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