Gomer Pyle to Replace Tommy Franks
Crawford, TX (IWR Satire) -- President Bush announced today that he is
going to replace General Tommy Franks with his life long friend, General Gomer Pyle.
"I think General Franks has had a good run as the Commander and
Chief of the Central Command in Afghanistan and Iraq, but for our next act in the war against
the Axis of Evil, I need someone who speaks my language. I need someone who I can
understand and also who the American people can trust to rid the world of
evildoers like Saddam Hussein and Kim Jong-Il.
It is now my pleasure to introduce that man to all America - General Gomer
Pyle," said President Bush. (Applause)
"Gawwwwwwwlee, Mr. President, I sure am honored. What a
surprise, surprise, surprise this is for me. I just hope that I can fill the shoes
of General Franks. Shazam. I just can't believe it. Pinch me will ya Lip?
Oops, I mean George. (Laughter)
Anyway, Goober says 'Hey' to all you good people out there, and I will do
my best to make the American people proud of me.
And to Kim Jong-Il , I have just three words for you to consider:
shame, shame, shame," said General Pyle. (Applause)