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Gomer Pyle to Replace Tommy Franks

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Gomer Pyle

Crawford, TX (IWR Satire) -- President Bush announced today that he is going to replace General Tommy Franks with his life long friend, General Gomer Pyle.  

"I think General Franks has had a good run as the Commander and Chief of the Central Command in Afghanistan and Iraq,  but for our next act in the war against the Axis of Evil, I need someone who speaks my language.  I need someone who I can understand and also who the American people can trust to rid the world of evildoers like Saddam Hussein and Kim Jong-Il.   It is now my pleasure to introduce that man to all America - General Gomer Pyle,"  said President Bush.  (Applause)

"Gawwwwwwwlee, Mr. President, I sure am honored.  What a surprise, surprise, surprise this is for me.  I just hope that I can fill the shoes of General Franks.  Shazam.  I just can't believe it.  Pinch me will ya Lip?   Oops, I mean George.  (Laughter)

Anyway, Goober says 'Hey' to all you good people out there, and I will do my best to make the American people proud of me. 

And to Kim Jong-Il , I have just three words for you to consider: shame, shame, shame," said General Pyle.  (Applause)

Internet Weekly Report First Issued on 12/15/2001,
Copyright Internet Weekly Report 2001-2003.

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