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Cheney Issues Mothra Alert

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CIA Photo of Mothra
 

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Cheney

Washington (IWR Satire) - Vice President Dick Cheney announced today a new terrorist threat from Iraq.  "I have just been briefed by our intelligence agents that Saddam Hussein now has a new weapon of mass destruction -- a giant atomic moth!    We don't know how Saddam came in possession of this giant indestructible moth from hell, but we suspect he had some help from those evildoers in North Korean. They must have hijacked Mothra from Pharaoh Island in the Pacific Ocean and flown the moth in question into Iraq under our radar surveillance systems.
All Americans must be on alert for any sightings of Mothra.     If you should see a giant moth flying over your house or at the beach, please take cover immediately.  In addition, all Americans should also be on the lookout for the so-called Ailenas, two tiny Asian female accomplices, who could be lurking in your mailbox or possibly just looking cute in your car's glove compartment.  They are believed to be wearing fur and silks outfits made popular by Laura Bush during the 2000 Presidential campaign so that they would blend in very well in states like Texas and Florida. 


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The Ailenas

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Godzilla

If anyone should see Mothra or the Ailenas, please call the Mothra hotline: 800-8mothra.   After the proper authorities have been identified, the Air Force will dispatch Stealth Bombers equipped with our latest weaponry, the Orlisikan Atomic Heat Ray, which is believed to be able to destroy Mothra and his tiny Ailenas friends.

Should the heat ray fail, Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld is in the process of recruiting from our ally, Japan, the monster Godzilla.  Although Godzilla was on early retirement from the Tokyo Zoo, he seems more motivated than ever to fight his arch enemy Mothra."

 

Internet Weekly Report First Issued on 12/15/2001,
Copyright Internet Weekly Report 2001-2003.



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