Best of IWR - Bush U.N. Phone Diplomacy Failure
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Caller ID Systems Thwart "Phone Diplomacy" Effort
WASHINGTON (IWR Satire) - At the White House, they call it "phone diplomacy," and President Bush burned up the wires today trying in vain to consult with allies worldwide. Unfortunately, all of our allies have installed Caller ID systems, and we only have phone taps in place at the U.N.
White House spokesman Ari Fleischer said the president tried without success to reach the leaders of Britain, South Korea and Bulgaria in the morning and made additional calls in the afternoon.
The president is trying to play the diplomatic card against Iraq, but nobody seems to be available for some reason or another, like Caller ID systems for example, Fleischer said. He called the diplomatic situation "fluid almost Jell-O like."
In his unnatural and highly scripted press conference last week, the president said he would ask for a vote in the U.N. Security Council on the British proposal for a new resolution authorizing force to disarm Iraq. The president said all of the 15 nations on the Security Council needed to "show their cards and we'll see who will blink first!"
Secretary of State Colin Powell indicated during testimony earlier today that the President was kidding when he made that cards comment. "He's a real joker. He's always saying dumb stuff like that. I'm sure you have noticed that before," said Powell.
The presidential spokesman said there may be a U.N. vote this week or next, or there may be other options and that this should not be considered a sign of presidential bungling per se, but more likely should be attributed to the wide spread use of Caller ID systems.
"What you're seeing is the president stumbling down the last mile on behalf of diplomacy," Fleischer said. "There is an end to that road, unless he gets lost again, and the end is coming into sight. Until it is final and the road is traveled, this president is determined to pursue a variety of diplomatic options like bribery, but it would help if other countries would just start answering their stinking phones!"
The Azzhat Gallery - Buttheads on Parade Updated 3/10
* Mr. Ashcroft please note in my FBI file that it's just a kitchen brush in the picture.
Internet Weekly Report First Issued on 12/15/2001,
Copyright Internet Weekly Report 2001-2003.
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