Best of IWR - Rush Limbaugh
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Talk Radio King, Rush Limbaugh,
New York (IWR Satire) - Rush Limbaugh denied charges today on his Neo-McCarthyite radio talk show that he is a merely a silly jester for the authoritarian warmongering industrial complex that controls the media and the majority of the wealth in this country.
The following is an excerpt form "The Rush Limbaugh Show":
"Those whiney liberals are always complaining about conflicts of interest and the loss of individual liberties. I mean haven't these college educated people ever heard about coincidences before?" asked Mr. Limbaugh rhetorically.
"Now I know that recent events in the war on Iraq may seem like a bad parody written by those flaming homosexuals at whitehouse.org, but let me assure my audience that these events are based on coincidence and not on some kind of intentional Bush Administration malfeasance or blundering.
Here is a list of the remarkable coincidences:
Bechtel Conflict of Interest: George Shultz, a former Republican Secretary of State and current Bechtel board member, was also chairman of the fiercely prowar Committee for the Liberation of Iraq. Needless to say, Bechtel won a major contract to rebuild Iraq. Only a liberal idiot would see connection here. I mean only a traitor would accuse the President and Pentagon of improper conduct with a closed-door process that was restricted to a handful of politically connected American companies. You don't need any checks and balances when you have a Republican president. I thought everybody understood that!
Iraqi Oil Wells and Oil Ministry Protected at the Expense of Museums, Hospitals, etc.: Now this is really not the fault of the Bush Administration. I mean seriously what is really more important: oil and money or museums and hospitals? Only a sick perverted liberal would choose hospitals and museums. I mean Rumsfeld wasn't worried about stupid vases and whatnots. He was worried about oil for Christ sakes. Just like any red blooded authoritarian American would do. It was just a coincidence that the Iraqi people looted the unprotected Museums and hospitals.
That Pilonidal Cyst on my Butt: How did that get in here. Time for a quick commercial.
Now that we have cleared up those coincidences, you can see that those charges that I am some authoritarian clown or pitch man of the so-called military industrial complex are completely false. I am as pure as the driven snow and twice as white! Ha. Ha. Ha.
Now it's back to our regular show. Al Sharpton, blah, blah, blah, Al Sharpton, blah, blah, blah, useful liberal idiots, Al Sharpton..."
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