Best of IWR - John Ashcroft

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Ashcroft Sues Vatican For Revealing Truth and Charity

John Ashcroft and the Revealed Truth

The Hague (IWR Satire) - John Ashcroft today filed an international lawsuit against the Vatican for revealing too much of "Truth" and "Charity", two bare-breasted sculptures designed by Bernini in 1663.  

Truth and Charity recently had their bronze corsets removed exposing their bare breasts.   The sculptures reside in the de Sylva chapel, which is part of the 17th-century St. Isidore Church, near the Via Veneto in central Rome.

"To those who scare peace-loving people with phantoms of lost liberty by the wicked removal of those corsets which hid from view those obscene bulging grapefruit sized breasts, my message is this: Your tactics only aid terrorists, for they erode our international unity and diminish our resolve.

Therefore, I am asking this International court to at least erect a tasteful curtain, as I did with the disgusting Minnie Lou, until this issue can be resolved,"  said Mr. Ashcroft before he began to sing the Battle Hymn of the Republic.