Best of IWR - John Ashcroft
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Ashcroft Loses Bowling Tournament to Dead Man
Virginia Beach, VA (IWR Satire) -- Attorney General Ashcroft last night lost a bowling championship to a dead man. Mr. Ashcroft was in striking distance to win the "Christians for a Theocratic Police State Celebrity Bowling Tournament" in St. Louis when Rev. Billy Foobar suddenly died in the 6th frame with what turned out to be an insurmountable 40 pin lead.
"I thought when Reverend Billy 'bought the farm' that I was going to win for sure, but I think I got over confident and then I started that string on 7-10 splits. I guess the Lord was trying to tell me that life is more important than a police state celebrity bowling tournament," said Mr. Ashcroft.
"I felt sorry for both Reverend Billy and John," said Pat Boone, the tournament's master of ceremonies and official pin boy. "I think Reverend Billy's ticker just gave out in all the excitement. Maybe it had something to do with the cheese stick eating contest we had earlier. Too bad Billy won't get a chance to show off his six foot high 'Jesus in Jackboots' bowling trophy, though."
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