Best of IWR - The King James Version of the Bill of Rights

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Bush Signs into Law the
King James Version of the Bill of Rights

Attorney General John Ashcroft, President Bush and Sen. Orrin Hatch

Washington (IWR Satire) -  Flanked by the bill's authors, Attorney General John Ashcroft and Senator Orrin Hatch,  President Bush signs  an imperial edict making the King James version of the Bill of Rights official.

"This enhanced version of the Bill of Rights corrects the mistaken liberal belief that the Founding Fathers really wanted to have a separation between Church and State.  What they really meant to say was that we needed a separation between Science and State. This new interpretation comes from the highest self-appointed moral authority in the universe, William Bennett.

Also, in this King James version of the Bill of Rights, we have eliminated those rights deemed unnecessary by Attorney General John Ashcroft and Senator Orrin Hatch.  I mean only a criminal, terrorist or traitor would want to keep the fourth, fifth and sixth amendments.  In fact to keep things simple, the King James Version of the Bill of Rights will only retain the following two rights:

Amendment I - Congress shall make no law establishing a link between Science and State.  However, the Congress may establish a State Religion as long as it is a decent and popular Republican Christian sect.

Amendment II - A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.

The American people know that I only have their best interests at heart and that this amendments cut, just like my tax cut, will reduce their personal rights burden," said Mr. Bush.

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