Edison, NJ (IWR Satire) -- In televised apology reminiscent of Richard Nixon's famous
checkers speech, Senator Robert Torricelli last night expressed regret to New Jersey
voters for accepting bribes from David Chang. "While it was never my intention to get
caught, and the fact that I didn't know I was violating those stupid Senate rules, the
simple fact is I did violate some out-dated rules on kick backs or something and I owe you
an apology for it. However, I refuse to return these simple but elegant
earrings," Torricelli said.