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Best of IWR - Parody News Captions 2002

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IWR Satire

Lott Denies Global Warming Effect

Senator Lott

Washington (IWR Satire) - Senator Trent Lott today denied on Fox News that his melting head has anything to do with global warming. 

Bob Barr Blames Clinton for Election Loss

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Bob Barr

Washington (IWR Satire) -- Representative Bob Barr today blamed his primary election defeat on former President Bill Clinton.  "If he would have kept his damn love tackle in his pants, I would have won this election by a landslide," said Barr.

Ogg Vorbis Heirs to Sue Open Source  Project

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Ogg Vorbis

Pat Robertson Admits
He's Satan

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Helsinki, Finland -- Relatives of the original Ogg Vorbis are suing the open software project, who just released a new audio compression format, for using their ancestors name without permission.  Why didn't they use someone else's name like Hedda Gabler or something," said Alvar Vorbis in phone interview with IWR. Virginia Beach, VA -- Pat Robertson today announced shocked devotees that he is really Satan.   Pat was forced to admit he was Satan after the numbers 666 appeared spontaneously on his forehead.  "I knew after I bought that race horse that something was up." said Mr. Robertson.


World's First Self-Service Enema Machine

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Dibley, OH -- The world's first self-service enema machine has been un-veiled by Dibley Bots, Inc.  According to the manufacturer, the ailing patient only needs to insert their credit card into the reader and then start the enema initialization process.  The first unit is expected to be installed in the local Dibley Wallgreen's.

Master Race is
Kind of Porky 

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Tazewell, Tenn -- Several  Nazis marched in support of free beer and pizza for chunky intolerant white people (CIWP).

Ashcroft Issues
Evil Bird Alert

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Washington -- Attorney General John Ashcroft issued an orange security alert yesterday when he noticed a suspicious gang of Satanic seagulls flying in under the radar near the Capitol Building.

Cardinal Comes
Out of the Closet

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New York -- Cardinal Edward Egan comes out of the transvestite closet sporting a fashionable bright red Hawaiian luau dress.


Dr. Demonstrates Artificial Insemination Cloning Technique Using His Nose
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Parma, IT -- Using his finger and nostril, Italian fertility specialist Severino Antinori demonstrates how he performed artificial insemination as part of his "successful human cloning" operation in Italy.

Spelling Bee Bush Meets Teletubbies

One Potato

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Beirut -- Prince Saud al-Faisal is disappointed after Losing  the Annual Arab Summit Spelling Bee to Muammar Qaddafi in Beirut.

Crawford, TX -- President Bush welcomes the Teletubbies to Crawford, Texas.  The President stated "Tinky Winky and Dipsey are like just too cool man."

Boise -- Colin Powell explains how policy decisions are made in the Bush Administration.   "Basically, we use 'The One Potato, Two Potato' method"

Bush Administration Parody News Captions


Internet Weekly Report First Issued on 12/15/2001,
Copyright Internet Weekly Report 2001-2003.

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