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Maharishi Launches Vibrators For World Peace Movement
Netherlands (IWR Satire) -- Maharishi Mahesh Yogi announced today that he is starting a new Peace Movement that will send out good vibes to the whole of humanity. "Today is a great day for world freedom and for the Constitution of the Universe.
It has come to my attention that there are many bad vibes coming from those troubles souls identified as terrorists. In order to reverse this disturbing trend, we must take all action necessary to increase the number of positive vibrations in this plane of existence and what better way than give electric vibrators to all those in need.
I hereby propose to the leaders of this material world to give me one billion dollars to expedite this distribution," said the Maharishi.
The Maharishi said that with $1 billion he could train 40,000 vibrator specialists, or "Gizmo Pandits", who would generate enough good vibes to save the entire planet. The Yogi's press office said $87 million toward that goal had already been raised.
"I have confidence that electric and battery powered vibrators will be the lighthouse for total knowledge. From there, this total knowledge will radiate in the whole family of nations and generate a powerful influence of peace that will spread throughout the whole world and neutralize the stress, hatred and tensions that fuel terrorism and war today," stated the Yogi with a straight face.
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