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Best of IWR - Dr. Venter

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Scientist's Ego Even Larger Than His Big Fat Head

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Dr. Venter Poppin' Fresh

Rockville, MD -- Dr. J. Craig Venter revealed that instead of using an anonymous donor, as was originally reported, he said his DNA was used as a basis for the "Universal Human Genome Map".  Dr. Venter also stated that he has been taking fat-lowering drugs after analyzing his genes.  

Unfortunately for the Doctor, the drugs have not worked.  In fact according to his scientific colleagues, it appears that his head and ego have expanded significantly in recent years.   Dr. Scholl from Texas A&M stated: "It's like someone stuck an air pump in his ear and inflated his head by at least 3 inches".

Fellow researchers at the Celera Genomics Group have nicked named Dr. Venter -- Poppin' Fresh.   "He even laughs like the Pillsbury Doughboy.  It's kind of scary." said Dr. Larry Lotto.  

Dr. Chuang Tzu  from the Chinese Institute of Science was incredulous on hearing the news and made this statement:  "I can't believe you crazy imperialist dogs sometimes.  I mean like why would you want to base the "universal genome" on some big fat assed white dude in the first place?  I mean like give me a friggin' break."  translation provided by IWR student intern Vinnie Stefano. 

For more information on Dr. Venter, please see the Meet Dr. Venter: Fun Facts.    Also for a related story on another genome outrage, check out Humans Insist They Are Not Dumber Than Rice.

Internet Weekly Report First Issued on 12/15/2001,
Copyright Internet Weekly Report 2001-2003.

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