Best of IWR - Tom Delay and Dick Armey

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Bill to Make Israel 51st State

Delay		Armey

Washington -- Congressmen Tom Delay and Dick Armey today introduced a Bill to make Israel the 51st State of the Union.

"I see this as a win-win opportunity for white Christians and the Jew folks.   Praise the Lard and Shazaam to the Jew Peoples!  We will battle the evildoers together at Armageddon!

Once Israel is a state, we can begin reassigning all Jew peoples from the mainland to this new state.   

In order to do this effectively, my bowling partner Dick Armey will lead up the Bureau of Palestinian Affairs.   Dick already has a plan to put all of those savage homicide bombing Muslims from the non-occupied areas of Israel to an injun style reservation most likely in Irack, which will have been annexed by the time this bill comes into effect.  Praise Gawd Almighty!"  said the former termite exterminator Delay in a short speech on the Capitol steps.

Dick Armey then spoke about the new Bureau of Palestinian Affairs.   "We feel the best way to deal with these unshaven savages is treat them like scum they are and confine them to a reservation in Iraq.   In order to make up the loss in cheap labor for Israel, Tom and I propose that we relocate Mexican wetbacks to the West Bank and Gaza strips.   An illegal Mexican immigrant might steal your TV set or CD player, but he will never blow himself up at Chucky E. Cheese's!".

Bush to Deport Dick Armey to Cuba

Dick Armey

Crawford, TX (IWR Satire) -- President Bush announced this morning that he was going to deport House majority leader, Dick Armey, to Cuba.  "How disloyal can a fellow Texan get anyway?  He knows darn well that I need to avenge Poppy's good name.  The American people and the lord on high know that I am on the right path with my Axis of Evil ciphering.  They also know that anyone who disagrees with me is a traitor, as John Ashcroft has pointed out many times before.  Therefore, I hereby deport Mr. Armey to the Republic of Cuba.  See how he likes trout fishing with Fidel Castro," said the noticeably angry Bush.