The World's Number One Weekly Weblog - Issue 42 - Week of 09/30/2002 - Monday Edition
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Humor, Satire, Animation and News

Bush Says There is Evidence
Linking Trial Lawyers to al Qaeda

An Evil Trial Lawyer
Linked to al Qaeda 
Alan M. Dershowitz

Washington (IWR Satire) -- In his radio address to the nation today, President Bush  said that there was clear evidence linking "trial lawyers" to al Qaeda and Saddam Hussein. Here is the full text of the President's address:  <Full Story>

The Week in Humor and Kitsch

• Winners of the 2002 Ig® Nobel Prizes
  The Ig [ignoble] Nobel Prizes says that it honors people whose achievements "cannot or should not be reproduced."  My favorite Ig 2002 winner was in the area of Interdisciplinary Research:
  
  Karl Kruszelnicki of The University of Sydney, for performing a comprehensive survey of human belly button lint -- who gets it, when, what color, and how much.
  
  Here is interesting Ig winner from last year for Medicine:
  
  Peter Barss of McGill University, for his impactful medical report "Injuries Due to Falling Coconuts." [PUBLISHED IN: The Journal of Trauma, vol. 21, no. 11, 1984, pp. 990-1.]

• Official! World's funniest joke
  So says psychologist, Dr. Richard Wiseman, from the University of Hertfordshire's LaughLab.  Sorry doctor, but here is the real Funniest Joke in the World from Monty Python.  BTW, here is another "funniest joke" from the Laughlab last December.   Thought you could fool IWR, didn't you, Dr. Wisenheimer? ;-)

• RIAA Sues Radio Stations For Giving Away Free Music
  Great Onion spoof on the Recording Industry Association of America.

• Unfortunate Cards (Y)
  Check out these funny and unfortunate greeting cards.  Here's a sample.

• Beware al-Qaida, Branch is on to you
  Branch County Sheriff's department sent out an alert based on al Qaeda telemarketing parody in the Onion!  This is the second time this year that a satire from The Onion has been taken a real news source.  The other time, it involved Beijing's most popular newspaper that fell for this spoof.

• Man becomes Mr Yellow-Rat Foxysquirrel Fairydiddle for a beer
  Kids, see what can happen to you once you become hooked on beer?

• Make Your Own Bush Speech (BX)
  Now you can make your own Bush political speech in Dubya's own words.

• Lego's Run
  Logan's Run with Lego people.  I like the carousel participants best.

• NewZoid Headlines
  A William S. Burroughs cut-up approach to headlines or "Headlines from Parallel Worlds" as NewZoid would put it.  Pretty funny stuff.

• Lochness Live - Brought to you by Scotland On Line (SR)
  I guess it finally had to happen -- the Nessie webcam.

• Eagle-Eyed Worker Unravels Toilet Roll Rip-Off
  This guy ought to get the bean counter of the year award.

• Shaolin Temple's martial art monks in trademark battle
  The Japanese Shaolin monks, famous for their kung fu fighting style, want to have a trademark on the name Shaolin.

• Laura Bush Version of the Nigerian Mail Scam (BB)
  Funny spoof on the Nigerian Mail spam scams.  After George Bush was killed by the despot Noam Chomsky, the widow of the president needs help with her Swiss bank accounts.

• World, Meet Roomba
  Now you can dance all day to rumba music because Roomba will vacuum all your dirty carpets for you.

Salmagundi

• Shabana Is Late for School
  Good NYT article about Shabana Nabizada's and other school girls return to school in Afghanistan after the fall of the Taliban.

• History of the Workhouse (Y)
  Are there no workhouses?  Well now there is a site that tells the story of   workhouses in the UK and Ireland.

• Bug-free, beautiful: California's golden allure
  There are not as many mosquitoes and flies out here, but we do have spiders up the wazoo.

• Dabba wallahs: lifeline of Mumbai's working people (BB)
  Fascinating story of the dabba wallahs in India and their ingenious meal distribution system.

Animal Crackers

• Cricket umpire flashes red card at dog
  Take that Fido!

• Bird Works (F)
  I'm just glad that elephants don't fly.

• Man, Family Fight for Bird Custody
  Weird story.  I sure hope "OJ" doesn't get custody of Jade though.

• Marsupial-manure coffee is flying off the shelves (BB)
  This is one delicacy that I'll think I'll pass on.

• No Bull, Some Believe This Magic Cow Cures the Ill
  "Hundreds of stiff-jointed Cambodians are flocking to see a large brown cow whose lick is believed to cure rheumatism and other ailments, officials said Wednesday."

Animation and Shorts

09/30/2002  -  You have to check out this Speed Stacking video of Emily Fox.   Emily is doing the stacking in real time.   It's unreal!  Featured on Wired this week was Ver las Estrellas' impressive To See The Stars [Quicktime] and Teetering by Dave Jones.  Also, here is a ridiculous video of a giant wad of Silly Putty being dropped off a parking structure at Sunbelt Software.  Last, but not least, is the silly Viking Kittens by Joel Veitch.

<Animation and Shorts Archive>

Parody Newsline

'Father' of Internet Smiley Named in Class Action
Specious Report (09/26/2002)

Jack Welch's Retirement Perks
The Onion (09/25/2002)

Bush's Iraq Policy 101 [Funny, but so true!]
Political Humor on About.com

Political Humor

Why fly by night?
by Mark Fiore

This Modern World
by Tom Tomorrow

Boondocks
by Aaron McGruder

get your war on | page fifteen (PG)
by David Rees

Pinup Girl
by Len Addams

Flight of the Chickenhawks
by http://www.toostupidtobepresident.com/

Uncle oSAMa Says: I Want YOU To Invade Iraq
TOMPAINE.com (09/24/2002)

Why? Because We Can
Maureen Dowd, NYT (09/29/2002)

War Is the Answer
Art Buchwald, WP (09/26/2002)

NewsWeird

• Shoe Size, Penis Size Not Linked
  Say what?
  
  "Their scientific study found no link between the two variables, according to a report in the British Journal of Urology International.
  
  "This myth has now been dispelled," Jyoti Shah of St. Mary's Hospital in London told Reuters Health. "There is no point using shoe size to obtain indirect measurements of penile length.""

• Blondes 'to die out in 200 years'
  If this means no more Britney Spears, I'm all for it! ;-)  But maybe not.

• Sexy Spanish War demonstrators?
  Cursor.org gave these women the "Best Costume Award".  I must concur. :)

• Indian eunuchs gather in Bhopal
  I don't why, but I always wince a little bit when I hear the word eunuch.  Also, I didn't know that eunuchs dressed like women in India.

• Appeal for 'dwarf-tossing' thrown out
  I guess if you watch too many Jerry Lewis movies, it might just drive to dwarf tossing.

• Duct Tape Wall Tapings (BB)
  I think these people watched too many episodes of the Red Green show.  There are some great pictures though.  Don't try this at home without a net!

• Ann Summers recall Rampant Rabbit vibrators (F)
  I'm having trouble picturing this one people.

• Creepy agency casts evil eye on Planet Earth
  "If you work for the actual Information Awareness Office, created earlier this year with one-time National Security Adviser John Poindexter at its helm, you'd depict a Masonic eye-in-the-pyramid blasting a sci-fi death ray across the globe. If you wanted to play on the fears of every paranoiac in the country, you couldn't do much better than the IAO's logo, on display at the Office's site. (That's where we got this low-resolution graphic, after DARPA stonewalled our attempts to secure a high-resolution version. Hmmm...)"

• Rancid Beer and cigarette butt - smelling perfume launched
  The perfume is called 'Armbrustschuetzenzelt' after the various drinking tents at Octoberfest.

Animal Crackers Continued

• Bees Trained to Sniff Land Mines
  I didn't even know that bees had schnozzles.
  
  "For two years the bees have been finding simulated land mines that smell like the real thing. So far the bees have a near-perfect track record, said researcher Colin Henderson.

  The United Nations estimates about 110 million unexploded land mines lurk around the world, and each year some 26,000 people are killed or maimed by the hidden bombs."

• Hungry Eagle Snares Plastic Duck
  Amusing story about a Norwegian eagle that gets fooled by plastic duck decoy.

• Blaze blamed on pet urine
  How many times did I tell that dog not to pee on that damn Hoover?  They should revoke Spot's passport.

Sites

Computing and Technology

The Week in Computing

• Music Cos to Pay $67.4 Million in Price-Fixing Case (SD)
  And these guys need a special hacking rights (see story below) to protect their profits?

• Who's online in China?
  Although 45 million people use the Internet in China, which second in the world, this represents only 3.6% of their population.

• Record Labels Request Online Sabotage Rights
  This is a really outrageous bill that would allow the record industry to  legally hack P2P users.  If P2P users are violating the law, then the proper authorities should be involved not some corporate vigilantes.   Service disruption should be illegal for both the individual and corporate hacker alike.

• OpenP2P.com: Internet Radio the P2P Way (SD)
  Interesting concept, but I haven't tried it yet.  I will check it out later this week.
  
  "Two P2P clients, PeerCast and Streamer, are exactly that. Without the need to have your own dedicated server, these programs let you stream audio files to other users on a P2P network. Essentially, you can run your own Internet radio station whenever you start up your computer and get online."

• Linux gets a break
  Economist article on the growing and planned use of Linux by IBM and Sun.
  
  "For the first time in years, Microsoft’s unassailable lead in computer operating systems is being challenged by manufacturers offering Linux software. Even a puny challenge is better than none."

• FTC unleashes Dewie the e-Turtle
  I guess it's like Smoky the Bear for the Internet, but Dewie is more cheesy looking.

• All the News Google Algorithms Say Is Fit to Print
  I like the new Google News service.  It's a nice way check for breaking stories. 

Security, Scams, Hacks and Patches

Hacker groups declare war on US.gov
Register (09/27/2002)

Microsoft VPN flaw may open intranets to attack
InfoWorld (09/27/2002)

FrontPage flaw places servers in jeopardy - Tech News
CNET (09/26/2002)

Slapper Worm brought to heel
Register (09/25/2002)

China denies hacking Dalai Lama computer
CNN (09/25/2002)

Politics and Business Computing

Porn Spam: It's Getting Raunchier
Wired (09/30/2002)

US P2P Hacking Bill draws support, critics
Register (09/30/2002)

Studios' copyright goal is total control
Dan Gillmor, Mercury News (09/29/2002)

Calif. attorney general files spam suit against SoCal company
Bay Area (09/27/2002)

Washington Post battles domain claim
CNET (09/27/2002)

'Yes, I cheat', admits Microsoft manager
Register (09/26/2002)

Stop trying to lock out pirates
CNET (09/25/2002)

Mozilla browser gets some bite
CNET (09/24/2002)

Blogging In the Rain

• The duck of the draw
  The winner of the Guardian blog shoot-out.

Sites

Science and Health

The Week in Science and Health

• Can Global Warming Trigger a 'Little ice Age' (SD)
  Interesting and scary prediction that global warming will not be a gradual process, but it may indeed trigger an ice age within ten years time!  If that's not enough, there are always ice meteors to worry about!

• Technology's Big Thinkers Discuss Hits And Misses
  Article on the best and worst predictions by "big thinkers".  My favorite worst prediction was by Lester Thurow (MIT) predicting that Japan would recover quickly from a 1991 financial crisis.

• Prominent Physicist Fired for Faking Data
  "A panel of scientists appointed by Bell Labs found that Jan Hendrik Schon misrepresented data 16 times, publishing identical charts to support his thesis in several scientific papers even though the experiments were different. Schon was fired Tuesday, according to a spokesperson from Bell Labs' parent company, Lucent Technologies Inc."

• Human-chimp DNA difference trebled
  When I first read this headline, I thought they were talking about vocalizations.   Anyway...  Roy Britten (CIT), who derived the original DNA comparison technique, revised his methods to include other types of variations the previous analysis left out.  Now instead of us sharing 98.5 percent of our DNA with chimps, the number should be about 95%.

• British dossier on Iraqi weapons released
  The NewScientist reports:
  
  "On the other hand, little of the evidence is new. Much derives from the UN weapons inspectors, UNSCOM, who left Iraq in 1998, or has recently been published by the US government or private think-tanks.

  There are new allegations that Iraq's missile programme is more advanced than previously revealed, and that military plans for the 45-minute deployment of chemical and biological weapons have been drawn up. But most of the newer assertions cannot be substantiated for fear of revealing intelligence sources."

• Here They Are, Science's 10 Most Beautiful Experiments
  Another recap of the ten most beautiful experiments.  I must agree that Young's double-slit experiment applied to the interference of single electrons is spiffy. Here is a great visual called the Evaporative Cooling Applet that shows the interference pattern from Young's experiment.

• Finding a Wild, Fearsome World Beneath Every Fallen Leaf
  
  He [Dr. Edward O. Wilson] begins his most recent book, "The Future of Life," with a "Dear Henry" letter, talking to Thoreau about the state of the world and the Walden Pond woods.

  "Untrammeled nature exists in the dirt and rotting vegetation beneath our shoes," he writes. "The wilderness of ordinary vision may have vanished — wolf, puma and wolverine no longer exist in the tamed forests of Massachusetts. But another, even more ancient wilderness lives on."

Psychology, History and Human Origins

Tut's life and death unmasked
BBC (09/30/2002)

Seeking Deeper Meaning in the Babbling of Babies
NYT (09/30/2002)

Contact lenses 'boost sexual success'
NS (09/30/2002)

Blondes 'to die out in 200 years'
BBC (09/27/2002)

Sex, IQ & ET: How We Got Big Brains
Space (09/26/2002)

Violent games good for kids (SD)
vnunet.com (09/26/2002)

Zen Garden's Calming Effect Due to Subliminal Image?
NG (09/25/2002)

Astronomy, Physics and Space

Boost for life on Jupiter moon
BBC (09/27/2002)

Acidic clouds of Venus could harbour life
NS (09/25/2002)

Martian 'wobbles' shift climate
BBC (09/25/2002)

The Crab's Shimmering Shock Wave
Sky and Telescope (09/24/2002)

150-Ton Magnet Pulls World Toward New Energy Source
ScienceDaily (09/24/2002)

Worldwide Focus on Going to the Moon
Space (09/23/2002)

Environment and Nature

Antarctic Ozone Hole Shrinks, Divides in Two
ENS (09/30/2002)

All U.S. Coral Reefs Face Human Threats
ENS (09/30/2002)

10,000 dead salmon heighten California water dispute
Seattle Star Tribune (09/28/2002)

Black Carbon Contributes To Droughts And Floods In China
ScienceDaily (09/27/2002)

PNG Groups Urge World Bank to Keep Logging Reviews
ENS (09/27/2002)

Climate Model For Earth Also Describes Changes On Mars
ScienceDaily (09/26/2002)

NASA Invention Pinpoints Lightning Strikes
Space (09/25/2002)

"Maps" Help Reveal How Lightning Strikes
NG (09/25/2002)

Federal Commission Describes Troubled Oceans
ENS (09/24/2002)

Water-Diversion Plan Threatens California's Salton Sea
NG (09/24/2002)

Six Whale Species Protected Under Migratory Treaty
ENS (09/24/2002)

Europe Bans Animal Cannibalism to Curb Mad Cow
ENS (09/24/2002)

Health

Synthetic vitamin boosts bone growth
NS (09/30/2002)

Herpes drug shown to prevent spread of virus
MSNBC (09/27/2002)

Researchers Grow Teeth in Mass. Lab
Yahoo! News (09/26/2002)

Lorenzo's oil finally proven to work
NS (09/25/2002)

'Bad blood' causes hundreds of unnecessary deaths
NS (09/25/2002)

Men munch chocolates in joy
Nature (09/25/2002)

Commonly Used Medicines May Delay Or Prevent Alzheimer’s Disease
ScienceDaily (09/24/2002)

Animal Behavior and Evolution

Dating Our Ancestors: Study Suggests Macroscopic Bilaterian Animals Did Not Appear Until 555 Million Years Ago
ScienceDaily, (09/30/2002)

Archer fish never look back
N (09/30/2002)

Shark Gives "Virgin Birth" in Detroit
NG (09/26/2002)

Penguins sleep deeply in the afternoon
Nature (09/26/2002)

Sites

Politics and Commentary

The Weekly Rant

• Rush is scripting the news, E. J. said. And the Generals lost an unlikely star
  I happen to see E. J. Dionne on Reliable Sources on Saturday. It was refreshing to hear someone on cable with a view contrary to all the Bush party line crap that the public gets spoon fed every day.  A case in point is Wolf Blitzer's daily "Showdown: Iraq" with its cheesy Jaws muzak.  He might as well be broadcasting right from the Department of Defense!
  
  "What is going on here? I don’t believe there is a liberal media anymore. That’s—that is, Rush Limbaugh’s now the producer of the news."

• Palace Intrigue
  The Monitor correctly points out that the Bush administration has not provided the moral justification for a war with Iraq.  That's what drives me crazy about all this.   What happened recently to justify this war with Iraq?   I'm sorry but an alleged assassination attempt on "my dad" in 1993 in Kuwait doesn't qualify. This war reminds me too much of the Vietnam era when we had another belligerent Texas president.

• Bush's Words Can Go to the Blunt Edge of Trouble
  I think it's clear that Bush is motivated to overthrow Saddam to clear his daddy's good name.  Dubya, once again, shows he has much more skull than brains when he shoots from the hip like this.

• Bush's real goal in Iraq
  Jay Bookman reveals, despite the administration's mantra of weapons of mass destruction, the real goal of the war with Iraq:
  
  "This war, should it come, is intended to mark the official emergence of the United States as a full-fledged global empire, seizing sole responsibility and authority as planetary policeman. It would be the culmination of a plan 10 years or more in the making, carried out by those who believe the United States must seize the opportunity for global domination, even if it means becoming the "American imperialists" that our enemies always claimed we were."

• Contradictions of a Superpower
  Robert Wright takes a look at the Bush administration's new "national security manifesto" and correctly concludes:
  
  "And if you do insist on being chief law enforcer in such an age, you should at least try to make sure that the world believes the laws are fair and fairly enforced. Yet the Bush administration, with its limited regard for both international law and world opinion, is making America not just sheriff, but judge, jury and executioner. This strategy could lead to a number of outcomes, but national security isn't among the more likely."
  
  Also, see the Bush doctrine makes waves overseas in Salon.

• WAR CRY
  Ted Rall had column on a weird speech  by Iranian President Mohammad Khatami to the U.N. General Assembly in Brussels.  Essentially, Khatami attempts to turn the tables in an almost a parody like fashion on the Bush Administration:
  
  "Nearly two years ago, the civilized world watched as this evil and corrupt dictator subverted the world's oldest representative democracy in an illegal coup d'état," said Khatami. "Since then the Bush regime has continued America's systematic repression of ethnic and religious minorities and threatened international peace and security throughout the world. Thousands of political opponents and ordinary citizens have been subjected to arbitrary arrest and imprisonment. Basic civil rights have been violated. This rogue state has flouted the international community on legal, economic and environmental issues. It has even ignored the Geneva Conventions on the treatment of prisoners of war by denying that its illegal invasion of Afghanistan ( news - web sites)--which has had a destabilizing influence throughout Central Asia--was a war at all."

  Khatami said the U.S. possesses the world's largest arsenal of nuclear weapons, weapons "that, when first developed, were used immediately to kill half a million innocent civilians just months after acquiring them. No nation that has committed nuclear genocide can be entrusted with weapons of mass destruction."

• Markets Fall for 5th Week
  It's the economy, Dubya!  In case you haven't noticed, this bear market is the longest in 60 years.

• Ours Not To Reason Why
  Michael Kinsley takes the Bush Administration to task on Iraq:
  
  "The Bush administration campaign for war against Iraq has been an extravaganza of disingenuousness. The arguments come and go. Allegations are taken up, held until discredited, and then replaced. All the entrances and exits are chronicled by leaks to The Post. Two overarching concepts -- "terrorism" and "weapons of mass destruction" -- are drained of whatever intellectual validity they may have had and put to work bridging huge gaps in evidence and logic.?"

• A little U.S.-Iraqi history
  Bob Novak writes on the role of the U.S. in helping Saddam Hussein obtain weapons of mass destruction.
  
  "Sen. Robert Byrd, a master at hectoring executive branch witnesses, asked Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld a provocative question last week: Did the United States help Saddam Hussein produce weapons of biological warfare? Rumsfeld brushed off the Senate's 84-year-old president pro tem like a Pentagon reporter. But a paper trail indicates Rumsfeld should have answered yes."
  
  The are more details in the Newsweek article, How Saddam Happened and also see Ashcroft’s Baghdad Connection.

• Spinning on Iraq
  This Washington Post editorial gets it right when it says:
  
  "The president's cynical and irresponsible manipulation of the issue risks devaluing his credibility as he seeks to convince the United Nations and U.S. allies that action to disarm Iraq is essential. We believe Mr. Bush is right in arguing that Saddam Hussein poses an unacceptable threat, and right in choosing to confront that menace. But he undermines his own case by taking it on the campaign trail and thereby feeding suspicions, both at home and abroad, that he timed his initiative for maximum electoral advantage, rather than in response to serious calculation about how and when Iraq could best be dealt with. He also risks emerging with broad but ephemeral congressional and public support for a mission that will likely demand considerable courage, fortitude and staying power from this country."

Commentary and News of the Week

In Broad Daylight
Paul Krugman, NYT (09/26/2002)

Gore on War
Richard Cohen, WP (09/26/2002)

U.S. poverty up for 1st time in 8 years
Genaro Armas, Salon (09/24/2002)

Scandals lead execs to 'Atlas Shrugged' 1957 Ayn Rand novel sanctions self-interest
Del Jones, USA Today (09/24/2002)

Middle East and The War on Terrorism

Unasked Questions
William Raspberry, WP (09/30/2002)

Fox Hunting Trumps Peace Activism at Washington Post & NYT (C)
Fair.org (09/30/2002)

You Gotta Have Friends
Thomas Friedman, NYT (09/29/2002)

Protesters stage anti-war rally
BBC (09/28/2002)

Mass Protest [150K to 350K] in UK Against 'Bombers' Blair and Bush
Andrew Cawthorne, Reuters (09/28/2002)

Fighting Street to Street
Nicholas Kristof, NYT (09/27/2002)

The Greater Nuclear Danger
Editorial, NYT (09/27/2002)

UN's 'two standards' under fire
Michael J. Jordan, CSM (09/27/2002)

War Dilemma: Iraq Weapon Disposal
Noah Shachtman, Wired (09/26/2002)

Shed Light on a Dark Day
Editorial, LAT (09/26/2002)

The Mystique Of Iraq (C)
Charlie Reese (09/25/2002)

The dishonesty of this so-called dossier (C)
Robert Fisk, Independent (09/25/2002)

Rolling the President
Editorial, WP (09/25/2002)

Dead End
Thomas Friedman (09/25/2002)

Can Israel Also Defy the UN?
Editorial, CSM (09/25/2002)

The Day After
Nicholas Kristof, NYT (09/24/2002)

Germany Speaks
Editorial, NYT (09/24/2002)

Bush Administration

The U.S. Case Against Iraq: Counting Up the Reasons
Todd Purdum, NYT (09/30/2002)

New U.S. Doctrine Worries Europeans
Glenn Frankel, WP (09/30/2002)

Defend the Country, Not the Party
Richard Gephardt, NYT (09/26/2002)

Daschle Angered By Bush Statement
Jim VandeHei, WP (09/26/2002)

Radical Conservatism
David S. Broder, WP (09/25/2002)

In President's Speeches, Iraq Dominates, Economy Fades
Dana Milbank, WP (09/25/2002)

No More Bratwurst!
Maureen Dowd, NYT (09/25/2002)

Mentioning the war
Martin Kettle, G (09/25/2002)

War Talk Provides Cover Fire
James P. Pinkerton, LAT (09/24/2002)

Hitler and Bad History
Richard Cohen, WP (09/24/2002)

White Man's Burden
Paul Krugman, NYT (09/24/2002)

The Weekly Rant Continued

• Blair's dodgy dossier (C)
  Brendan O'Neill blasts Tony Blair's Iraq dossier.

• Gore Gives Warning On Iraq
  Dan Balz of the Washington Post reviews Gore's Iraq speech [transcript].
  
  "By shifting from his early focus after September 11 on war against terrorism to war against Iraq, the president has manifestly disposed of the sympathy, goodwill and solidarity compiled by America and transformed it into a sense of deep misgiving and even hostility," he said.

• In a Mistake, Prosecutors Gave Secrets to Terror Suspect
  This is just too incompetent. Someone in the federal prosecutors office should get axed over this one, and I don't mean the copy boy.