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The Sweatshop Solution

UNION CITY, NJ (IWR News Parody) - President Bush today unveiled what he called his 'bold new' jobs creation plan that will have American workers competing directly with China and India by having their wages lowered to third world standards.

"Good Afternoon.

You know, as I have always told the First Lady: 'If the mountain don't come to Jesus then that Muhammad fellow will have to get it for him', and you folks out there look just about as confused as Pickles does when I told her that saying the first twenty times.

But hear me out now, cause there is some good ole fashion Texas logic in these words, and no, that's not one of your oxymoron thingies either.  Thingies, now that's a funny word, ain't it?  I heard that that one from Condi.  You know, WMD thingies.  She's so funny!

Anyway, if jobs are being outsourced to India then maybe we just need to lower wages in this country.  You know, supply and demand.  It's makes good horse sense, don't it?

We just need more sweatshops in this country.

And as most of you folks already know, I have made a lot of progress in that direction already, but now I have to ask for your help if we are going to lick this thing.

All you patriotic American workers out there need to ask your management for 50% pay cut, effective immediately, but hey don't stop there.  At the same time, be a real loyal American and ask those pin headed bureaucrats to eliminate your health care benefits while their at it too!

Shoot, you can pay for your Blue Cross with all that left over money from my tax cuts, right?

Then, if you people could just start working 12 hours a day for 7 days a week and not get paid for any overtime, we'd be all set.

I mean, come on, if Chairman Mao had to pay overtime wages during that Long March, he never would have made it Korea, would he?

Hell no.  Man, those Chinamen were lucky just to make it to the end of the trail alive for Christ's sakes!

Now, if we do can just do something like that, I think we can stop that outsourcing problem right away," said President Bush.


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Internet Weekly Report First Issued on 12/15/2001,
Copyright Internet Weekly Report 2001-2003.

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