|WASHINGTON (IWR Satire) - Robert
Novak gave his annual holiday message on Fox News today.
Here is the text of his speech:
"Nothing makes me want to puke more than watching all of these
so-called do-gooders handing out food and toys during the holidays to
I mean that's just like feeding a stray cat. You'll never get
rid of a deadbeat feline after you have given it a single saucer of
milk. BTW, it would be much better if we collected all these
damn stray dogs and cats and made sausages out of them. All we need to
do is mix in some lead paint chips and sell to the Chinese.
That'll teach those bastards to put battery acid in my
My point is that once you have fed a lazy good-for-nothing family
on poverty, they will be on the dole for eternity.
A much better solution would be to take all of those charitable
contributions and give those freeloading vagabonds bus far to Tijuana,
and at the same time, deport their asses once and for all.
Besides, the weather is a lot nicer down there this time of year.
Just think of the money we'd save on Medicaid alone! Heck we
could eliminate the capital gains tax and even build that bridge to
Let's give those grease balls south of the border a taste of their
own damn medicine for a change!
Thank You and Happy Holidays!," said the grinning Douchebag of