Alberto "Fredo" Gonzales - Parody News Cartoon


Gonzales Says The Bush Police State
Is As American As Apple Pie

[ ]

AIR FORCE ACADEMY, CO (IWR News Satire) - Attorney General Alberto "Fredo" Gonzales contended today that individual freedoms pose a "grave threat" to U.S. security.

Gonzales told about 400 cadets from the Air Force Academy's political science and law classes that some see Bush's warrantless surveillance program as unconstitutional and that it has effectively turned this country a police state.

"This view that our warrantless wiretapping program is unconstitutional is shortsighted.  Hell, it's as American as apple pie!  It's like the good old days when J. Edgar Hoover ran the FBI.

Its definition of freedom - as freedom of speech and freedom from warrantless government searches - is itself a grave threat to the liberty and security of the American people.

Let us not forget the reason that terrorists attacked in the first place was because of our freedom.  Why Osama himself has said himself that the reason he attacked this country on 9/11 was because we didn't have warrantless wiretapping!

We believe the fuehrer, a, er, I mean the president has the has the inherent authority to do whatever the hell he wants to, much like Joseph Stalin did during his reign of terror in the Soviet Union.

Look, at least we are not sending people to freeze Siberia, we send our all detainees to a nice vacation spot in Cuba, and to-date not a single prisoner has froze to death during their waterboarding exercises!

If our administration wasn't so clueless, we would actually do the hard intelligence work required to infiltrate al Qaeda and capture Osama. 

But political appointees like us with no practical work experience don't know how to get the job done.  Remember, we're the same gang who has been running the Iraq war for the last four years! (Ha Ha.)

We much prefer domestic spying to doing real police work anyway, because, then, you really don't have worry about thinking, planning, accountability or anything! 

Besides, data mining everybody's domestic phone calls  is a bureaucrats delight! 

It gives us a lot to giggle about when we gather around the old water cooler at the Justice Department too!

You never know we might even find a terrorist one of these days," said a chuckling Gonzales to the stunned audience.

Inspiration: Gonzales blasts surveillance critics

 

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Internet Weekly Report First Issued on 12/15/2001,
Copyright Internet Weekly Report 2001-2006.



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