CRAWFORD, TX (IWR News Satire) -
President Bush today continued his attack on
The Enlightenment by endorsing legalized witch burning.
"I have always been a strong proponent of States Rights. In fact,
I'm still sorry we lost the Civil War.
But heck, if the people want to burn witches, I say 'Go for it!'.
After we have watered down science in the classroom by introducing
prayers and teaching Intelligent Design, it will be a lot
easier for folks to identify scapegoats without the overhead of
If I had to use scientific methods for example, I never would have
been able to justify the war in Iraq!
Just think how much better the world would be, if we could just
burn suspicious minorities, homosexuals, trial lawyers, university
professors, uppity women and liberals at the stake without having the
burden of producing any scientific evidence.
People shouldn't worry about all this scientific mumbo-jumbo
If you listened to those idiot scientists, you'd think that the
polar ice caps were melting and that the world revolves around the
Now if you will excuse, Pickles and I going to spend the rest of
our vacation trying to determine how many angels can dance on the head
of a pin," said Mr. Bush.