ULM, Germany (IWR News Parody) - A
sculpted and polished phallus found by researchers in a cave in Germany is the
earliest stone phallus on record. In addition, these same scientists
found that there are many remarkable similarities between this
ancient stone dildo and the Bush administration.
which is dated to be about 28,000 years old, was buried in the popular Hohle Fels Cave near Ulm, which is also consistent in age with Bush's
simian neo-conservative philosophy.
Its life size suggests it was used as a sex aid by its Ice Age
makers, which parallels techniques used to torture prisoners at
Abu Ghraib, scientists report.
"Once we assembled the fragments, we all were struck by how much
the phallus reminded us all of the obnoxious personality, presidency and policies of George
In fact, Mr. Bush often
public like, what my German colleagues would call, a
the States, we have another word which describes our president quit
succinctly, but unfortunately it cannot be printed in this magazine,"
said Dr. Menlo, the head of MIT's Anthropology department.