Majority Unable To Cope
With Bush Presidency Anymore
FORT BRAGG, NC (IWR News Parody) - A poll
conducted by the Internet Weekly Report and CNN, immediately after
Bush's speech on the Iraq war last night, found that the majority
of Americas feel that they can no longer cope with the Bush
75% of those interviewed said watching Bush speak was worse than
fingernails scratching on a blackboard, Wayne Newton singing "Danke
Schoen" and getting a root canal all at the same time.
Below are several residents from Fort Bragg, who find themselves
unable to cope with the Bush Presidency.
"Bush reminds me of my ex-husband. He's so full of
horseshit. It's just too draining to hear him keep lying over and over
again about why we're in Iraq," said Hotel Manager Edith Crowley.
"I used to think my future was bright, but that was
before Bush's crooked pals outsourced my job to India," said Java
programmer Jeff Johnston.
"What future will my kids have? The only jobs
left will be at Wal-Mart or with the army in Iraq or Syria," said
English professor Judy Tatum.
"I just don't understand where all the friggin'
journalists are hiding. This lying SOB should have been impeached like
in 2003," said small business owner Phil Redding.