RED NECK FALLS, TN (IWR News Parody) - At
Nathan Bedford Forrest Day celebration in Tennessee last night,
President Bush denied that he ever used any facts to base his decision
on going to war in Iraq in 2002.
"I didn't fix no facts in that stinking
Downing Street memo,
because I never use facts to make important decisions about things
like, cutting taxes, going to war or global warming, in first place!
Shucks, if I had to use facts all the time, I'd never get anything
Besides my decisions are based on the Judaeo-Christian tradition,
and that means I don't need any of your secular homosexual scientific
facts to justify anything.
All us Judaeo-Christians have to do is make shit up that we think
justifies our so-called moral values and actions. You can't
impeach me for that now can you?
It's evil people like Albert Einstein that are always causing
problems for us fundamentalists.
Hell, if that Copernicus bastard would have kept his damn mouth
shut, we'd all still be living in the gold old Dark Ages!
Heck, no one worried about global warming or health care back then,
Take the man we are honoring here today,
Bedford Forrest, he sure didn't need any stinking facts to become
the first Grand Wizard of Klan, did he?
Case closed," said Mr. Bush with a smug smile on his face.