MONTGOMERY, AL (IWR News Parody) -
President Bush today revealed his secret plan to save Social Security
and fund private savings accounts.
In short, the Bush plan would cut costs by outsourcing senior
citizens to third world countries like India or Mississippi where
medical and housing costs would be provided by the lowest bidder.
"The idea came to us when Karl Rove and me were brainstorming.
Well, Karl was anyway. I just listened to
John Ashcroft kick out the jams on my
Anyway, I after a while I said to Karl: 'It's too bad we just can't
outsource all those old codgers to India like our business buddies do
with all those high tech jobs that Kerry was always wining about.'
The next think you know Karl is on the horn to John Snow, and we
got us a hum dinger of plan.
Here's how it would work.
When a senior reaches retirement age, we will still guarantee that
person's check, but instead of 2,000 dollars, for example, it will be
The government will send retirees via an empty oil tanker or
shipping container free of charge to Calcutta, where the old fogies
will be provided best accommodations that their rupees can buy," said