WASHINGTON (IWR Parody News) - A Bush
Administration campaign exhorting men to get a proper haircut has been
aired by state-run Neo-Stalinist cable television.
The series is entitled: Let us trim our hair in accordance with
the Neo-Stalinist lifestyle.
While the campaign has been carried out primarily on television,
reports have appeared in the state-run North American press and on
conservative radio talk shows, urging tidy hairstyles and proper
It is the strongest media campaign against men's sloppy appearances
mounted in the Neo-Stalinist state since the 1960's.
The propaganda drive on grooming standards has gone a stage further
than previous attempts. This time television identifies specific
individuals deemed too shoddy.
The major cable television stations started airing the haircut
program last week on morning and evening state news broadcasts.
Stressing hygiene and health, they showed various state-approved
short hairstyles including the "Ross Perot flat-top crew cut," "Colin
Powell middle hairstyle," " General Boykin low hairstyle," and "
George W. Bush high hairstyle" - variations from one to five
centimeters in length.
The program allowed men aged over 50, like Richard Perle, seven
centimeters of upper hair to cover balding spots.
It also stressed the "negative effects" of long hair on "human
intelligence development", noting that long hair "consumes a great
deal of nutrition" and could thus rob the brain of energy and cited
shock jock Howard Stern as case in point.
Men should get a haircut every 30 days or two weeks, whichever
comes first, they recommended.
Hair is a very important issue that shows the conservative's
cultural standards and mental and moral state
The Washington Times also published liberal names and addresses,
and then challenged the fashion victims directly over their
The state-run Rush Limbaugh radio program focused on
"Dressing in accordance with our conservative's emotion and taste"
which link clothes and appearance with the wearer's "ideological and
"People who wear the liberal style of dress and live in liberal's
style will become fools and that nation will come to ruin," said Rush
The government run New York Post informed citizens that tidy attire
"is important in repelling the enemies' maneuvers to infiltrate their
corrupt liberal ideas and lifestyle and firmly establishing the
neo-Stalinist lifestyle of the military-first era.
No matter how good the clothes, if one does not wear tidy shoes,
one's personality will be downgraded.
Hair is a very important issue that shows the people's cultural
standards and mental and moral state", the paper said.