"We won this election by appealing to the least common denominator in the American electorate: fear, uncertainty and doubt.  The 9/11 FUD factor as Karl calls it. 

The problem is that in order for me to be more than just some embarrassing footnote in US history books, I will need to appear more statesman-like and compassionate in my second term.

I have therefore asked all the Wal-mart greeters in the nation to dress up like Barney and and try to cheer up all those poor suckers whose jobs will be outsourced to India, have their wages deflated or Social Security benefits cut," said a giddy George Bush.