HAMSTER HILLS, IN (IWR News Parody) - In
a speech today in Indiana before the Christian Pet Shop Owners For
Bush-Cheney, President Bush vowed, if reelected, he would kill
even more people than Saddam Hussein did, if need be, to promote his
neocon vision for democracy in the Middle East.
"I can see now why
Saddam Hussein had to kill so many of these damn Muslim bastards. It
was the only friggin' way he could maintain order for Christ sakes!
I thought they would have built me a
goddamn statue or something.
That's what Cheney said would happen anyway.
Well if Saddam could do it, so the hell can I, and I promise you
pet owners here today that I will kill a lot more people than even he did
to promote my surrealistic views!
It's really very simple.
For my version of democracy to take hold, the people have to be
persuaded to cooperate with the US government.
All we have to do is get rid of those people who disagree with us.
It's sort of like what my brother Jeb did with those ballots in
Florida in 2000. He prevented those "felons" from disrupting the
electoral process, and we aim to do the same thing in Iraq.
To-date, we have only killed a measly
10,000 or so civilians.
So how can we expect the Iraqi people to take us seriously?
It is time that we restored Saddam's iron fist of authoritarian
control by killing and/or torturing all dissenters.
According to that recent
U.S. Intelligence Report, we will only need to kill several
million more of those damn agitators before we prevail, hopefully,"
said Bush to the polite applause of the pet shop owners.