WASHINGTON (IWR News Parody) -
The Federal Reserve today raised its benchmark
interest rate by a quarter percentage point citing the inflationary
rise in the price of pork per barrel.
"In recent months, output growth has moderated and the pace of
improvement of wage deflation in labor market conditions has slowed
due to the rising costs of kickbacks for the defense, health care and
oil industries to the Republican controlled Congress.
If we don't constrain this inborn tendency towards
avarice in the short-term, the President will have no choice but to
either invade Russia and take control of their oil fields just like he
did in Iraq, or God forbid, he may even have to cancel the tax cuts to
balance the budget!
In order to keep the economy from tanking before
our Republican cronies can be re-elected, we need our corporate
friends to show some restraint with their bribery bidding wars, until
at least after the election, when of course, all corporate lobbyists
will be free to call in their 'loans' from the Republican controlled
government," the FOMC said in a statement.