ARLINGTON, VA (IWR News Parody) -
House Majority Leader Tom Delay was arrested today at Kenmore Middle
School for allegedly extorting lunch money from students.
The Arlington bunko squad, at first thought "The Hammer" was just
some pervert peddling pornography to the kids, but
were surprised to discover that the suspect was actually extorting
money from the students in return for not cutting funding to their
band, cheerleading and football programs.
Mr. Delay protested his arrest claiming that extorting money from
citizens, regardless of age, was his God-given right.
This is no different than
what I do all day long in Congress for
Christ sakes. You want a bill passed or defeated? It's going
cost you something like making a significant contribution to my little
Texans for a
Republican Majority PAC (TRMPAC) for example. The kids want their
Cougar's football, and I need some money to pay for my golf fees when
President Bush on Sunday. It's quid pro quo I tell you,"
as he was lead away in a paddy wagon.